SAMCRO Princess
by Fwencka1212
Summary: Harley Clemont left her life in Charming along with her heart but now a family issue brings her back and she isn't sure what to expect.
1. Chapter 1

**Literally wrote this in a little over an hour so don't judge too harshly. Thanks!**

I drove home to where my roots were, the small hometown of Charming. I had the windows rolled down with the window blowing through my thick dark curls and listening to the sound of my old black mustang. I tried hard not to think of what I would be returning to, if it were up to me I wouldn't be making this drive back. It was two days ago when I received a much unexpected call from a woman I never thought I'd speak to again. I answered the phone on the third ring, even though I wasn't sure of the strange number, "hello?," I hesitantly answered and as soon as I heard the familiar voice on the other end it sent chills through my body, "hi sweetheart, I hate to be calling you like this but I have some unfortunate news I thought you needed to know." Gemma Teller Morrow. It took me a little while to respond because quite frankly my body was still in shock, it was as if a ghost was phoning me up one day out of the blue. I straightened up and responded, "Gemma... Is everything okay?" There was a brief pause, "well honey not exactly, your father passed away from a heart attack last night.. We've already started plans for the funeral so you have nothing to worry about on that part but your daddy did leave you the house so I figured you'd want to come home to take care of some business." I sat back on the couch trying to wrap my mind around the news Gemma just laid on me. I loved my dad even though we left on a bad note and hadn't talked since I left years ago but my father was all I had since I was a little girl and he showed me how to be tough. Jack Clemont was the VP of the biggest, baddest biker gang in Charming. SAMCRO. So being the daughter to one of the most feared man in town wasn't always easy. Most people around town started calling me 'The SAMCRO Princess' even though my name was Harley after my fathers favorite bike. He always said I needed a strong name like a strong bike. "Harley? Baby, you there?" Gemma's voice pulled me back to reality and out of my thoughts, "yeah, sorry Gemma, just a lot to take in. I regret not talking to him this long." After a few more minutes on the phone and writing down the information for the funeral I ended the call with Gemma and sat in the silence of my living room reflecting back on the past since it was so suddenly thrown in my face. I went back to that night I left like it was yesterday instead of several years ago. Sitting in the clubhouse, drinking beers, and glued Jax. The sexiest man on the this planet and all mine. Jax Teller was Gemma's son and step son to Clay Morrow, SAMCRO's leader and president, but to me he was the boy I fell in love with. There was hardly a time we weren't together and at the time if you would have told me I wasn't going to marry that man I'd slap the shit out of you. I loved him fiercely and he loved me the same in return, if not more. That night I was curled up in Jax's lap as the boys sat around joking and passing a joint around when my father stormed out from the clubhouse office, "Harley, get your ass in here!" I reluctantly got up from Jax's lap because I could see the rage in my fathers eyes even though I had no idea what caused it. Jax squeezed my hand reassuring me he would be right outside if things got out of control, it wasn't the first time Jax would have to save me from my fathers rage. My father was far from a gentle man but I still loved him. I walked into the office and turned to face my father who slammed the door and stormed to the desk that was scattered in papers. He angrily picked up a envelope and threw it at me, "you wanna fill me in on this Harley." I carefully picked up the envelope under my fathers scorching scrowl and read it, it was an acceptance letter from a university miles away from Charming. I really didn't know what to say since I had been still trying to figure out how to tell him and Jax for that matter. I wanted more than to just be the SAMCRO princess, I wanted to be a doctor and my father would never understand that. "I want to go to college Dad. I can do a lot more with my life if I left Charming, I wan-" my dad interrupted, almost screaming, "this is your life Harley!" his arms expanded showing me he meant the clubhouse and gang, "I don't have much longer and then you'll be VP of the Sons. It's not just a gang Harley, this is your family and if you walk out on us it's not just a disgrace to you but to me too since your my daughter! You're a Clemont and you need to act like it!" I don't know if it was the violent energy in the room or my own father calling me a disgrace but I snapped, "that's right Dad, God forbid someone get out of Charming and better their life! You should be proud of me but sorry I can't be that daddy's little girl you envisioned! I'll be leaving tonight and I don't give a fuck what you think!" I furiously shrugged off my leather jacket that was embroidered with the SAMCRO logo and the words "SAMCRO Princess," that my father had given me for my 16th birthday present and threw it on his desk. With that I stormed out intent on leaving but I had forgot that I would have to face Jax as well. The thought of telling him I would be leaving churned my soul to the very core. I swung the doors open that lead to the parking lot where my mustang sat parked with Jax and my father hot on my heels. "Harley would you stop! Tell me what's goin' on!" Jax pleaded with me to slow down but I still couldn't face him so I just stopped and kept looking at the horizon, fighting back tears that would fall down any second. My father had caught up to us and apparently was not done telling me how he felt, "Oh she didn't tell you either Son, she's leaving because she thinks she can be someone better than us" I turned around to face the two men in my life. My father handed Jax the acceptance letter and as Jax read it his face turned puzzled, "your leaving?" As his eyes met mine I couldn't keep the tears at bay anymore, "I meant to tell you, I just couldn't find a time Jax" I stepped forward only to be met with him taking a step back from me. "Please don't be like this" I pleaded. "Is this life not good enough for you? Am I not good enough for you?" Jax had always looked at me with such affection but not tonight, he looked at me with such angry and sadness I didn't know what to do. "Come with me" was all I knew had to answer. "I can't come with you Harley, the gang is my life. You know that or at least I thought you did.." I didn't know what else to say so I stood there, feeling my father and Jax's anger directed towards me. My father filled the silence with a threat that would be the last words I'd ever hear from him, "If you leave tonight you better not look back." I took one more look at them and turned towards my car. As I started the engine and pulled out of the clubhouse towards home to get my bags I let the emotions in and cried. I knew it wouldn't be easy leaving but I also thought I could persuade Jax to leave Charming behind with me but that wouldn't be the case. I didn't know a life without Jax, he was my constant, my everything, my life. From the minute we were born we were meant to be together, our parents found comfort in knowing we would be taking over the gang. I guess Jax fit that position better than I did though. As I pulled up to my home I could hear the roaring of a motorcycle close behind. It was Jax. He threw the bike in park, hopped off and met me on the porch. "Don't do this Harley, we can have a life here, I'll do anything to make you happy here just don't leave damn it!" His words were full of hurt which cut me to the very bone. I took his face in my hands and met his eyes to mine, "Jax, please don't make me choose between you and the life I want. I want to become a doctor and I want to become Mrs. Teller but I can't do both here. Come with me, I'll go to school and you can get a job. We can still have a life together." I'm not sure what I expected, I knew my pleading wasn't going to change his mind just like his wouldn't change mine. "So this is how you're goin' to end things? Throw our relationship away like it doesn't matter and just leave? You know an 8 to 5 job ain't for me darlin' this is all I know." Once again I didn't know what to say so I just looked away from him, any other time I could stare at his beautiful face for hours thinking of what a lucky woman I was but not tonight, his once prefect face showed the shadow of a man he once was in place was a heart broken man and Jax wasn't an easy man to break. Taking my silence as an answer, Jax turned to walk back to his motorcycle but not before taking his rage out on an old broken down truck parked in the driveway and shattering the drivers side window. Hearing Jax's motorcycle riding out of my life was possibly the worse day of my life, I felt like he took my heart with him even though he wasn't the one who was doing the leaving. That night was the last night I talked to Jax Teller and the last time I was in Charming except for now. Now I was heading back and I had no idea what to expect.


	2. Chapter 2

I drove into the gravel driveway that had willow trees bending and shadowing over it up to my childhood home. As I began to unload my bags out of the car I observed the place that held so many precious memories to me. It seemed not much had changed, my father always was a consistent man so it wasn't much of a surprise I'd find little change to the place other than just passing of time. It was an old wood two story home with a little wrap around porch that I had spent most of my summer days relaxing and reading on until Jax would come blazing into the driveway on his motorcycle and whisk me away on some crazy adventure for the day. However, now I found myself standing on the once familiar porch feeling out of place and very hesitant to go inside but this was my home once again. I had sold my small one bedroom apartment and made arrangements for my belongings to be sent here after Gemma called me that one night, I couldn't bear the thought of selling my fathers home. I mean I had already accomplished what I set out to do when I left so wasn't it time to come back anyways?

I finally opened the creaky, old wooden screen door and unlocked the front door. The smell of old leather and old spice consumed me as I entered the house, I never realized exactly how much I missed this smell... or my father for that fact until now. I sat my bags on the couch and began to look around and get reacquainted with my home. It was like going back in time, like the world had stood still and I was still that 18 year old wild child, however the only difference was the absence of noise coming from my dad's garage where he constantly stayed working on bikes and then Jax's arms wrapped around my waist. Everything in this home reminded me of that boy, although I knew he would be a man now, not the adolescent boy I left behind that night. Every place held a sweet memory, the couch where I'd fallen asleep curled up to him on cold winter days, the kitchen where I'd cook for him while he relentlessly teased me and the stairs where Jax chased me up more times then I can count. While I was away I taught myself not to think about Jax even though many times I almost broke wanting to just call him up to hear his voice but I never gave into those desires. Although, no matter how strong I was while I was away, being in this house broke my walls down and my body carved to see him again.

After I unpacked my things in my old room I quickly showered and got ready for the funeral, I was already behind schedule. I zipped up my black dress with lace at the top, slipped on my black heels, and rushed out the door. I dispised knowing I was going to be late but it being a small town meant it wouldn't take that long to drive to the church. When I pulled up and parked I immediately noticed all the motorcycles there and subconsciously wondered which one was Jax's bike. I quickly walked up the few stairs and opened the front doors, inside I was greeted by a lady who pointed me in the direction of the chapel where the funeral was being held. I thanked her and found my way to a set of heavy double doors, I took a moment to collect myself and my nerves. God damn was I nervous! Being as quiet as I could I pushed the door slightly open enough for me to squeeze through. I entered right when the pastor came to saying, "Jack Clemont is survived by his daughter Harley Clemont and among many more family members" and almost on que many people turned to look at me entering the chapel. Feeling their eyes burning through me I made my way to the front pew that was reserved for family but on my way there my eyes felt pulled to him as if my whole body was a magnet just for him. He was different than I last remembered him, but he still had his long dirty blonde locks and his piercing eyes, he definitely had more muscles under his clothes and the beard of a man instead of stubble of a teenager. I honestly didn't think Jax Teller could be any sexier but seeing the man Jax Teller grew into be made me feel like a fool! I had to pry my eyes away from him because I felt like his eyes were tearing into my soul. I quickly sat down and tried to give my full attention to the pastor reading bible verses but I couldn't help but hearing a few whispers behind me, some asking if it was really me or the "damn I'd like to bend her over" comments, which I tried to ignore.

After the service was over they called each row to come up and say there last goodbye, starting from the back to the front. I watched as people went by recognizing most of the faces and getting acknowledgment from the most familiar ones. Now it was Gemma, Clay, Jax, and most of the gangs turn to walk up. I received a slight nod from Clay and a smile from Gemma but nothing at all from Jax. It made my heart fall to the ground. I waited until everyone had exited before I finally walked up to the coffin, in all honesty I was scared shitless. This would be the first time seeing my father in years and he would be laying in a casket. I approached slowly and put my hand on his cold lifeless hand and finally shed a tear. He looked almost the same except his once peppered hair was completely white and he had more wrinkles than I had remembered but he was still my father. Before I left I whispered, "I'm so sorry, if I could take it all back I would, I love you Daddy" and that was the last time I'd ever tell my father I loved him.

I wiped my face trying to fix my running eyeliner and sneak out to my car before anyone would notice me but I wouldn't get that lucky. As soon as I had stuck my keys in the door I heard Gemma behind me, "not trying to sneak out of here are you?" I turned to her with a smile on my face, she was still as beautiful as ever and still scary as hell all at the same time. I always envied her. "A girl can try, can't she?" I joked. "Well I'm not going to let you go that easy, you've always been like a daughter to me Harley so I want you to know that even though I wanted to beat your ass for leaving I still have a lot of love for you baby and I'm really happy to see you back in Charming... Now with that being said I want you to come back to the clubhouse for a little after party for your Daddy." I really didn't know how to turn Gemma down although it isn't like she would have let me if I did try so I gave a half hearted smile and responded with, "Sure, just let me change out of this dress first." Satisfied with my comply, she put her sunglasses on and strutted back to Clay who was talking with a group of bikers. Jax was no where to be seen.

My room had looked like it exploded with clothes, I had every article of clothing that I brought with me all over the room. I didn't think the clothes I owned now would look right in the clubhouse, I'd be very out of place. After a moment of thought, I opened my old dresser and pulled out clothes I'd left behind. A black vest that zipped up and showed lots of cleavage with jeans and my almost knee high boots. I almost felt like the old me... Almost. I headed for the clubhouse feeling very anxious, would Jax finally talk to me? Or does he hate me?... Could I blame him?

I cut the engine and sat looking at the clubhouse, thinking I should probably turn around and text Gemma a simple apology. I didn't think I had what it took to be back in this life again but somewhere deep down inside the old remnants mentally slapped myself. I was Harley Clemont, my father taught me to be tough and hard not back down from anything and this was a challenge I needed to face head on. I need to find a way to make my old life work with my new life and I did just that. I shut the car door with a new found confidence and walked up the clubhouse. There were a few guys standing outside with slutty girls hanging around them, they were young and obviously new members so I had no idea who they were but that didn't stop them from getting to try to know me. One guy called out to me, "hey baby, you lost? Come here Babydoll and I'm sure I can help you out" he had a preverted grin on his face as he scanned me up and down, I simply shot him the finger and proceeded in. Not worth the attitude. I remember a time when I didn't even have to defend myself because I had Jax. God help a man that talk to me like that with Jax around.

Unlike most things in Charming that didn't seem to change, the clubhouse was not one of them. I couldn't tell if it was the overall appearance or the energy in it but it wasn't the same. "Looks like we have a doctor in the house," Opies voice called from the bar and I couldn't help but break into a smile. I quickly made my way to him and embraced him in a hug that had been long over due. Opie was such a dear friend, he could have been my brother if fate had been a little different. "You look good Harley, look like you did damn good for yourself" he said. "It wasn't easy Op, adjusting to life without the gang was tough but I kinda just buried myself in med school to forget everything and move on." He simply smiled at me and replied, "well I'm damn proud of you.. here I thought you were always gonna be a box of rocks and a hopeless romantic" as he teased me I gave him a little playful push and that's when I finally noticed Donna behind the bar serving drinks. "Donna?" I called to her, she looked up and smiled "I thought you were never gonna notice me" I apologized to her saying, "Sorry, my attention is kind of all over this place trying to get the feel for it again." As Donna and I started to catch up Opie slowly made his departure so he didn't get caught up in girl talk. Donna finally came out from around the bar and gave me a good look over, "my god! I'm so freaking jealous of you! I hated you growing up for being as pretty as you were but you are fucking hot now!" She exclaimed. "Oh shut up! You look really good too Donna. Being a mom and wife suits you well" she smiled and sat on the bar stool next to me as we continued to drink a beer. I didn't know how to subtly ask so I just asked, "how's Jax?" Donna took another drink of her beer before speaking, "I'm really not sure how to answer this but I knew you'd be asking.. So you want the truth or can I just sugarcoat it?" That was easy to answer, "I want the truth Donna" so she kept on going, "he didn't take it easy after you left" she explained, "that man was broken Harley, you did a number to his soul, it was like a black cloud followed that boy wherever he went... Then one day I guess he attempted to move on because he did get married even though that's over now." I was a little taken aback by that last part... well maybe a lot and not because I thought Jax would never move on but... actually that's exactly why, I know that's selfish but I never imagined Jax with anyone else but me even after I left. "So who did he marry?" Part of me didn't want to know and part of me had to know. Donna looked nervously at me and kinda laughed it off and held her hands up, "now I really don't think I should be answering that one.. Maybe Opie can do tha-" I cut her off before she could finish, "come on, just spit it out." After a second she finally did just that, "It was with Wendy." If it was possible to literally see red, I would have. I hated that woman with every fiber in me, since I could remember she was always after Jax. I knew I had no reason to be this angry because the moment I decided to leave Charming I knew that meant Jax wouldn't be mine anymore but I guess that didn't mean my jealousy would go away. I took another drink of my beer to hold in my ugly words and then carefully told a lie, "well I'm really happy Jax tried to be happy" and then the subject was changed to Donna and Opie's life over the years.

We were in the middle of talking about their kids when Gemma walked over to us, "Can I borrow you a second Harley, I have something for you." I nodded my head and followed Gemma upstairs. She closed the door behind us and proceed to open a closet that was in the room, she then pulled out a very familiar piece of clothing. My leather jacket that my dad had made for me. Gemma held it up and smiled at me, "I think it's time you got this back" I smiled back at her and tentatively put the jacket on. It actually felt so good to feel the cold leather against my skin. "You still look good in it, Sweetie. You might have wanted to forget about us but this world will always be a big part of who you are." I wasn't sure what to say, I knew Gemma wouldn't have been happy when I left so I was glad I didn't have to face her in the past but I had to face her now. "I loved the club Gemma, I just couldn't be who I wanted to be while having a life in the club, it wasn't easy to walk away." She tucked a piece of hair behind my ear so motherly and then said, "it wasn't easy forgiving you for leaving either" and with that Gemma struck me hard in face. It took a second for me to register what happened but the stinging in the side of my face helped with that. As I held my face and the boiling rage inside me, Gemma began to hug me. I was utterly confused but this was how it was with Gemma. "I'm sorry honey, I didn't like hitting you but that was for breaking my boys heart." She began to walk out the door before turning around and saying, "when you're ready, come enjoy the bonfire outside" and with that I was left to myself.

Gemma was a crazy bitch and no matter how badly I wanted to be pissed at her, I had that one coming so I let the anger dissolve. When I calmed down I slipped back downstairs, trying to make my way outside but I got stopped by several people wanting to know how I had been all these years and the usual small talk conversation. Finally, I was able to escape to a secluded table close to a fire and away from other people. I sat on top of the table staring into the fire and letting the day sink in. As I enjoyed the warmth of the flames a voice from behind me sent goosebumps all over my skin, "I always did like the way you looked in that jacket" his voice came across me like a haunted melody and my heart leaped. I slowly turned to look at him and he was glorious in the light of the fire, god have I missed him! I steadied my voice and teased, "yeah I remember you liking me better out of it though" his lips turned up in a slight smile letting me know he still had some walls up. "Listen, I wanted to apologize for not saying anything to you at the funeral.. It didn't feel like the right time to me." I brushed it off as if it was no big deal, "It's okay, I suppose funerals aren't the best place for something like that." Jax nodded in agreement, I felt like he was holding back something or just not being honest with how he felt. He played it cool but I could tell he didn't want to. "Come on Jax, drop the shit! If you have something to say just say it!" And with that the truth came out, "you know Harley I've tried fuckin' hard to forgive and forget but that seems truly fuckin' impossible! I thought I pushed how I felt away but the moment you came strutting into that chapel it all came back.. You fuckin' left me for a fuckin' piece of paper from a bullshit school! I've been beat senseless, had a gun to my head, and seen some tough shit but nothing will ever compare to that night you decided I wasn't good enough and I thought I could just be okay with you but I don't know how!" He drew in a deep breath like he was catching himself from going any further so I took my turn to talk, "I know I hurt you and I'll never stop apologizing for that." I paused trying to get a feel of Jax and then continued, "I don't know how I would have felt if it was the other way around and you had left me but I can promise it was the hardest decision I've ever made was leaving you Jax. It was like learning how to walk all over again." His demeanor softened a little and I felt his guard drop, he was a tough man and I hated seeing him so cut off towards me. "No matter how angry I am, I'm really glad you walked in that chapel today... I can't explain it but it was like all the oxygen in the world returned and it's a fucking miserable world when you feel like you're suffocating every damn day." I felt relieved to see his softer side but guilty all at the same time knowing I caused him such misery. He got up from the table, smiled down at me with that panty dropping grin and extended his hand to help me up. "I think we need to go have us a few shots darlin'" His smile was contagious and I grabbed his hand to go back into the clubhouse and jokingly said, "already trying to get me drunk?" Jax answered with a mischievous smile and the rest of the night was a blur.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for taking the time to read my story! I didn't look over this chapter because I wanted to get another update out there so I'm sorry if there is a lot of errors. Also if it's hard to read at times I apologize for that too but I write this from my iPhone instead of a computer like I'd prefer to. But again thanks for reading!**

I'm almost positive I took too many shots of Jack Daniels, Jose Cuervo, and Grey Goose because I was seeing doubles. I couldn't even remember how I went from dancing to on the back of Jax's bike, clinging on to him so I wouldn't fall off in my drunken stupor. If the alcohol wasn't intoxicating enough the wind ripping through my hair and the smell of Jax just fueled it more. It wasn't long before Jax cut the engine off in front of my house and he got off the bike to help me off, at first I pushed his hand away, "Hey misterrrr! I can walk just fine!" As I tried to get off the bike I stumbled to gain balance and probably looked like a baby deer trying to walk for the first time. Jax just stood back and chuckled, "Whatever you say babe." I probably could have managed by myself but damn those steps leading onto the porch! If not for Jax I surely would have busted my ass, "Here darlin' let me help you before you give yourself a busted lip" he then picked me up and tossed me over his shoulder, I seriously thought I was gonna hurl on this man. "Jax! I think I'm gonna-" I covered my mouth trying to keep the embarrassment in and knowing what was about to happen Jax quickly rushed me over to the kitchen sink and set me down in front of it. I held on to the edge of the sink and just let it out, it wasn't exactly how I pictured being with Jax again but this wasn't the first time he has seen me not hold my liquor. Jax swept my hair back and gently caressed my back, "well shit, doesn't this bring back some ol' memories.. You never did know when to quit while you were ahead" he laughed at my misery as I rolled my drunken eyes. As soon as I felt like it was safe, I let go of the sink and turned to Jax. He was clearly trying to hold back laughter from fear I'd probably pop him. "Come on beautiful" he said as he picked me up bridal style and carried me to my room.

He pushed the door open with his boot and laid me down on my bed. I tried to keep my eyes open as I watched him undress me, in any other situation I would have protested but I was wasted and did not give a fuck! He started pulling my boots off, then slowly unbuttoned my jeans and tugged them off. He then helped me sit up to unzip my vest off, I was left in only my bra and panties. He sat back and his eyes travelled up and down my hardly clothed body before saying, "you're still sexy as ever, Harley." Then he took his own shirt off giving me the chance to really see his chiseled, hard body and very defined V. It had been a long time since I had been aroused by a man, not since Jax. It was as though my body was an instrument specifically made for him and he knew exactly how to play me. My body tensed as Jax got closer, I thought he was gonna press his body against mine but instead he shoved his shirt over my head and helped me dress in it. He got off the bed and gave me one more look, "I'll check on you tomorrow... Maybe bring some Tylenol over too" he smiled. The thought of Jax leaving was unfathomable, to be this close to him again and just let him walk out. I stuck my lip out in an attempted pout and batted my eyes at him, "Stay Jax.." I patted the bed, "please don't go, sleep with me like old times.. I don't wanna be alone in this house right now." For a second I thought he was still going to leave but he nodded his head and said, "I could never tell you no so I guess I won't be starting tonight." He climbed in bed with me and propped his head up with his arm behind his head, "you know Harley, I still love you, I don't think I'll ever stop. I don't know what you're doing to me but you're stirring up parts in me I forgot I had." He never looked at me but he kept going, "I told myself I hated your fuckin' guts but I knew deep down I was a lying sack of shit. I can't hate you Harley. I forgive you." I tried hard to think of what I should say to him but my mind was spinning from still being intoxicated and I couldn't fight sleep anymore so I gave into it with Jax being the last thing I saw.

I awoke in the afternoon with sunlight blasting through the sheer curtains. "Ugggghhhh" I pulled the covers over my pounding head.. I was never drinking again! Remembering last night I jumped up in bed realizing Jax had spent the night with me but he was no longer there. Eventually I forced myself out of bed and to shower the bar stench off of me. I dressed back in Jax's black SAMCRO shirt and a pair of shorts, I wasn't quite ready to part with his scent. I went downstairs and wasn't exactly sure what to do with the rest of the day, normally I'd be working and making my rounds in the hospital but I hadn't applied for the position at St. Thomas hospital in Charming yet. So I decided to rest the rest of the hangover off and when my head stopped pounding go grocery shopping, I couldn't live off the beer and TV dinners my dad had stocked in the refrigerator.

I walked inside the small market intent on getting just enough food to last a week. When I felt satisfied I had enough to hold me over I made my way to the front to pay and in Charming it's not hard to run into people you'd prefer not to see. In front of me trying buy a pack of cigarettes was Wendy herself, or now known formerly as Wendy Teller and that made me grit my teeth. I wasn't going to fake nice and even tell her a simple hello, so I patiently waited for her to be done. When she finally noticed me behind her she seemed kind of dumbfounded at first and then collected herself to give me a dirty look as she left. I tried to remain calm while I paid for my groceries but seeing that woman brought out the worse in me. I hated her! Knowing her lips and body were once on Jax made my blood boil. I loaded my bags in the cart and began to leave, as soon as I exited there she was, waiting for me. She exhaled a cloud a smoking before saying, "ain't it nice to see the little SAMCRO princess back in Charming" she sneered at me.

"And isn't it nice to see you haven't changed at all Wendy." I pointed out to her since she had always hung around places, smoking, and looking for some dude to take her home. She smirked at me and replied, "not really but I did change my name." My knuckles turned white gripping the cart trying to hold my overflowing rage, the old me would have tore her face off and wipe the concrete with it but no hospital would take me seriously if I was still the old me so I gritted my teeth and made this a verbal war, "you may have married Jax and got to say you were Mrs. Teller for a brief moment but look where you are Wendy.. You had his bed for awhile and I'll always have that mans heart" and with that I walked away from her from fear I'd go psycho on her but I had a feeling it wouldn't be my last encounter with that filth.

I got home and poured myself a glass of wine to chill out from my run in with Wendy and decided I could channel this anger into productiveness and clean the house. My father didn't believe in doing a women's work so I could only imagine the last time the place was dusted or mopped. You'd think with being the VP of the gang he could easily have someone do this work for him but my father did not like anyone inside of his house unless it was family or business. So I turned on the radio and began to work while dancing to the music..

'Hey you're a crazy bitch but you fuck so good I'm on top of it. When I dream, I'm doing you all night. Scratches all down my back to keep me right on'

I was feeling the music and getting really into dancing when I heard clapping from behind, I jumped and spun around. Jax was leaning against the front door, watching me and beaming from ear to ear, "damn you think you can do that little number on me, sweetheart?" I picked a shoe up and chunked it at him, he held his hands out defensively, "Ow! It isn't my fault you left the door open.. Better be glad it was just this perv and not the one down the road." I glared at him still made he snuck up on me, "you still could have knocked instead of watching me make a fool of myself" he nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders and sat down at the table, "sorry I didn't come by earlier to bring you some Tylenol but I had club business" I was intrigued by what club business was going on but I didn't ask because I knew it probably wasn't my business anymore. "Yeah Tylenol would have been greatly appreciated today especially after running into your ex..." I added. Jax looked up at me surprised, "you saw Wendy?" He asked. "I ran into her at the store, she wasn't very happy to see me." He let out a frustrated sigh knowing it was a topic that would eventually be brought up. "I probably could have picked someone better to fill the void you left but alcohol and drugs don't make great decisions" I took a sip out of my wine before replying, "tell me about it, of all the dirty sluts in this town you married the one I hate the most.. I still can't believe you got married." He looked at me before asking, "so did you have in boyfriend while you were in college?" That was a question I wasn't expecting, "I had a few but nothing serious.. It got lonely there but none came close to you." His jaws tensed probably thinking of the men I had been with. Jax was a very territorial and jealous man, it was definitely one of the sexy things about him. "So where do we go from here Harley?" He asked. I didn't know exactly what he was asking me, did he want to work on a friendship or pick up where we left? "I don't know Jax, you tell me." He stood up from where he was sitting and came closer, pushing me further into the edge of the counter, "I'd like you to be mine again, hell you've always been mine no matter what zip code you're in but I want everyone to know you belong to me again.." And with that he kissed me for the the first time in a long time and my inside melted. The feel of his lips against mine had awaken some part in me that had been asleep for a very long time, was it happiness? I don't know but I could have lived in this moment forever with Jax kissing me and his hands on my hips but it was interrupted by buzzing in Jax's pocket. Jax pulled away quite frustrated, "for fuck sakes! Can't they do anything without me!" He answered the phone with an angry "yeah what's up" but apparently what ever it was was important because he nodded and told them he would be right there. "Sorry babe but I gotta go.. I'll be back when I can." He kissed me one more time before he was out the door and leaving me wanting more of him.

I shook the feeling of Jax of me and decided it was time to work on my resume so I could submit it to the hospital next week. I was almost done with it when my phone started to ring, it was an unsaved number so I didn't know who was calling. "Hello?" and on the other end came Donna's voice. "Hey! I thought maybe I could get you all to myself tonight and we could go out for a couple beers.. I really enjoyed seeing you last night." Since I still wasn't use to being in the house by myself I took the opportunity to get out, "Sure! Just no more liquor for me, my body still hates me for last night." She agreed with a laugh and told me where to meet her. I dressed casually in a dark maroon v neck shirt and jeans then hopped in the mustang to the little bar Donna wanted to meet at.

Donna was waiting outside the door when I parked and waved me over. She greeted me with a hug, "I'm glad you could come out tonight, Opie has the kids and actually let me out for the night." I followed her to the bar where we ordered a couple of beers and began chatting, "so what's your plans now that your back in Charming?" She questioned, "well I was actually working on my resume when you called, I plan to apply for the position at the hospital.. I can't wait to get back to work. I miss the craziness of a hospital." She took a drink of her beer, "I still can't believe your actually a doctor now.. I guess I still remember you as that quick tempered girl ready for a fight no matter where you went." I laughed, "yeah we did get into a lot of trouble back then.. Many drunk nights we tucked each other in when the boys were away." She smiled remembering the crazy times we use to have. "So there has been a lot of talk at the clubhouse about you and Jax." She eyed me questionably, "really?" I asked, "yeah the guys see the change in Jax and every time he is missing from the clubhouse he is with you.. So what's up?" This time I took a drink of my beer, "he wants to give it another shot and I do too." Donna's face lit up, "that's awesome! I'm so happy for you and for Jax, it's been a long time coming. He has been needing you more then I think he knew." I simple replied with, "I think I'm realizing I needed him more." We sat and talked for a little bit more before Donna had to go back to relieve Opie.

I stayed at the bar a few minutes after Donna left to finish my beer and pay my tab. The old man behind the bar took my empty bottle and said to me, "be careful when you leave." I smiled and thanked him because at the time I didn't think to much of what he said and assumed it was just out of politeness. I walked to my car to unlock the door when I heard a man approach me from behind, "hey there sexy, you wanna come home me?" I could smell the alcohol on his breath and could tell he was very intoxicated. I pushed him off me but that didn't stop him from coming onto me, "come on hun, don't be like that.. I'll be gentle I promise." Completely disgusted by this man I attempted to shove him harder this time, "get the fuck away from me!" He still advanced and even began trying to put his arms around me, "playing hard to get.. I like that." He licked his lips out of lust. I struggled against his weight onto of me pinning me against him and my car. "You fuckin' drunk! Get your hands off of me!" I freed my hand from under him and swung at him, I made contact with his jaw but it only stunned him for a second before he was back on me with a new found rage. "You fuckin' cunt! If you'd just stop fighting it this will be over before you know it.." He had a hold of my wrist and began kissing my neck, my body was repulsed this man touch I felt like I was going to vomit. I struggled hard against this man but I was no match to push him off, I dreaded the thought of what was going to happen if I couldn't get free from this pervert. Before I knew it someone had grabbed the man and yanked him off me. It was Jax and he looked murderous. Jax landed a hard punch to the mans nose and blood spurted out instantly, but Jax was not done. He continued to beat this man near unconsciousness before pulling him up by his shirt and yelling in his face, "what the fuck do you think you were doing?! I should crush your fucking head into this concrete right now!" Jax then threw the bloodied and very badly beaten man to the ground and began to repeatedly kick him in the stomach and ribs. I just stood and watched but came to my senses to stop Jax before he really did kill this man, I grabbed Jax by the arm and tried to pull him away. Jax stopped long enough to look at me, if I was any other woman I would have been scared of the crazed man in front of me but I remembered this Jax all to well. "Come on baby, that's enough.. I just wanna go home.. Take me home please." I pleaded with him, I could tell Jax didn't want to be finished but he reluctantly drew back from the man withering in pain but not before spitting on him in disgusted. Jax grabbed me close to him and helped me in the passenger side before hopping in the drivers side of the mustang and peeling out if the parking lot.

We drove in silence, you could feel the tension seeping out of Jax. I could tell he was still pissed off by the way he drove and gripped the steering wheel with a death grip. I decided to break the tension and talk, "how did you know where I was?" Jax sat in silence for another few seconds before giving me a sideways glance and speaking, "the old man that runs that joint has close ties with us so he called me up and informed me he sensed troubled." After Jax told me that it all made sense of the old mans warning. When we got back to the house Jax stayed glued to my side even though we both knew there was no more danger around. It felt nice having his protection around me again. That night Jax slept with his arms tightly around me and I laid there thinking to myself how much I had missed this and questioning myself to why I ever left? I could have already been married to Jax, maybe even had a couple of children by now but I knew deep down I did the right thing and now, maybe just maybe I could become Dr. Harley Teller. I smiled at the thought. I fell asleep with the warmth of Jax behind me and his intoxicating scent. That night I felt whole again...


	4. Chapter 4

I awoke to the movement of Jax getting out of bed, he was pulling up his jeans when I turned over in bed. I sleepily moaned and asked, "leaving me already?" He turned and faced me with a smile, "yeah babe, I gotta meet Clay and the boys.. If I could I'd stay in this bed with you all day." I smirked at him and pulled him back into bed with me, "nothing I can do to change your mind?" as I climbed on top of him and straddled him with my legs. He gave me a sexy grin and stuck his hands up my shirt where his hands resting on my hips held me firmly in place on top of him, "it's not nice to tease me," he said before he kissing me roughly. The feel of Jax in between my legs and the taste of him on my mouth sent a surge through my body of hunger for more of him, but before I knew it Jax had threw me off and had me on my back. "Sorry beautiful as much as I'd love to show you what you've been missing I really gotta go or Clays gonna bust my balls," he said as he was getting out of bed and looking for his shirt. I threw myself back on the bed and huffed, "I'd like to bust your balls right about now" and crossed my arms. I was sexually frustrated with this man! He gave me one more playful smile and kissed me bye but before he left he stuck his head back through the door and had a serious expression on his face, "if you go anywhere today I want to know where." I nodded not wanting to argue with him especially after the events from last night, then I listened to the sound of him revving up his motorcycle and driving away.

I stayed in bed for a while longer before making my way to the kitchen to find something to eat. I decided pancakes sounded good so I got the ingredients out and began cooking. I had just finished eating and put my plate in the sink to wash when I heard a knock at the door. I thought for a minute about not answering it since I wasn't expecting any company but I figured it might have been Gemma or someone from the club. When I got to the screen door I could see a very petite black woman and older white gentleman and pinned on both their shirts was a gold badge. I hesitated opening the door because I always knew men with badges were no good especially in this lifestyle. When I finally opened the door the man smiled at me and greeted, "good morning ma'am, I understand your Jack Clemonts daughter, is that correct?" I nodded my head in puzzlement since I had no idea what this man and woman wanted. "Do you mind if we come in and have a word with you Ms. Clemont?," the woman spoke up. I really wasn't fond of the idea of letting them in but I didn't see what choice I had and besides I could honestly say this time I knew nothing of the gangs or their involvement in anything. So I stood aside and let them enter, "sure, come in." They made themselves comfortable at the table as I sat down with them, "can I ask what this is about?," the man took the lead, "well first let me introduce ourselves I'm Sheriff Wolf and this is my Deputy... We just wanted to speak with you about some things, I also want to give my condolences for your fathers death." I thanked him, "I'm very sad my father is gone but he really didn't take care of himself so I'm sure his heart attack had been coming for years now." Both Wolf and Hubbard exchanged puzzled looks, "a heart attack?" Now I gave them a puzzled look, "yes sir, did you not no how he died?" He studied me for a few moments, "eh, it's not too important but nonetheless you have my sympathies." Once again I thanked him and he kept going, "this might be a silly question but you are familiar with the gang SAMCRO? Correct?" I nodded, "are you also familiar with the Mayans?" I was a little taken aback since I haven't thought about that rival gang in quite some time but I was very familiar with them. The Sons and Mayans had been in a feud for power as long as I could remember and a lot of blood had been spilled because of it. I remembered one night I was probably 13 and my father had left me at the clubhouse with strict orders to be looked after carefully. I had fell asleep that night easily since most of the boys were gone with Clay and my father so it wasn't hard to doze off. It was early in the morning but still dark outside when the doors busted open startling me awake, I heard a lot of yelling and my father leaning on Clay for support to walk. My panic kicked in and I rushed over to see what was wrong with my dad as they threw him up on a table and Clay barked orders, "go get some damn vodka and a needle! Hurry the fuck up!" I made my way through the chaos to see my dads face scrunched in pain and holding his leg, he had been shot. There was a ton of blood everywhere but only being 13 I was use to seeing this kind of stuff. I made my way to the edge of the table while the boys gathered the things Clay wanted and cussing, "those fuckin' Mayans are gonna get what's comin' for 'em!" I just drowned all the commotion out and said, "Dad? Are you going to be okay?" My father looked over at me through his pain and silently cussed to himself before yelling, "Someone get Harley the fuck out of here!" and before I knew it I was being pulled away. Sheriff Wolf cleared his throat pulling me back to the present, "Ms, Clemont?," he inquired, "yes, sorry.. I've heard about them but if your here to see if I know anything about the clubs business with them I have no idea, it's been a long time since I've been involved in their affairs." The deputy took notes of what I was saying, "I believe you, but I want to ask for your help." I raised my eyebrow at him, "I know you have a close connection with the Sons being your fathers daughter so do you think you can keep an ear out and inform me of anything you hear that involves the Mayans?" I blankly stared at this man, was he really asking me to snitch on the club? "You're asking me to be a rat? I'm sorry sir but I can't help you.. You came to the wrong place if you're looking for an inside man.. Now if you wouldn't mind but I have things to do today." I really didn't have anything on my agenda but it was time for them to leave, the sheriff nodded his head getting the point I was making. They both stood before the deputy made one last ditch effort, "you could really save peoples lives if you cooperate with us" now I was just getting irritated, "ma'am I save lives as a profession already and those men out there are grown men who make their own decisions. I can't help you." With that they departed and I watched them pull out of the drive way from the kitchen window. Something about their visit didn't sit right with me.

I didn't do much for the remainder of the day besides straighten up a bit, unpack my things more and curl up with a book. It was getting pretty late and my eyes were getting heavy but I wanted to stay up for Jax even though I didn't even know if he would be coming back over tonight or not. By 12:34 AM I gave into sleep with the book still in my hand where I slept until who knows what time it was when I awoke to the door creaking open. Still half asleep I watched Jax come in and kick his boots off and then head into the kitchen, I heard him turn on and off the water and open the freezer door. I uncovered and got up to see what he was doing, I hated the sight I saw. Jax was sitting at the table with an ice pack on his hand and his lip was busted, it was clear something had went down tonight. I studied Jax hard trying to read him as he just looked at me with a clouded expression. He pulled out his gun and set it on the table with a loud thud before lighting a cigarette. "Jax, are you okay?" He gave me a half hearted smile and simply said, "yeah babe." I walked over to him and gingerly touched the split in his lip to see how much swelling there was but Jax pulled away with a pained look on his phone letting me know it still hurt like a bitch. "I need to clean it Jax," he didn't really respond other than taking a long drag from his cigarette, it wasn't until then that I had noticed the blood on his gun. Now everything came into prospective, Jax was a killer, that was no surprise but it didn't mean each kill chipped away at what ever soul he had left. Jax finally put his cigarette out, turned in his chair and grabbed hold of me burying his face into me. We stayed like that for several moments before Jax got up, "I need a shower... Wanna join me?" I nodded and let him lead me upstairs.

I started the shower letting it get warm while Jax inspected his wounded hand at the sink. He looked pretty roughed up but I could only imagine what the other man looked like, if he was even still breathing for that matter. I stood in silence just watching him, he began to undress revealing more bruises and cuts on his abdominal but despite the markings on him he was absolutely prefect. As I admired him, Jax noticed my wondering eyes and pulled me to him. He lifted my chin up to meet his eyes and looked at me affectionately and maybe even admiring me himself before tenderly kissing me on the lips. I wanted desperately to kiss him so fiercely but I refrained from fear it would cause him pain. Jax's strong arms tightened around my waist pressing me to his body even harder and my pulse quickened with the feel of Jax's rough hands going up my shirt. I knotted my hands in his long hair and gently tugged which in response made Jax let out a low growl. He was so aroused he picked me up and put me up against the opposite wall while deepening our kiss, not caring about his cut on his lip. While Jax supported me holding me up by my thighs, I quickly pulled off my shirt and undid my bra. I needed to feel Jax against my bare skin, all the years of my body missing his touch just set it on fire with every touch and kiss. Jax's kisses travelled from my lips to my neck and finally reaching my nipples, he teased them in his mouth, stroking them gently with his tongue. I arched my back leaning more into him and moaned in pleasure. Hearing my body react to him sent him even more over the edge, he roughly pulled my shorts off and then undid his jeans freeing his harden dick from his underwear. I felt like my body was going to explode in anticipation, I needed him inside me, I carved it. Jax's hand slid between my legs touching my sex, I couldn't help but let out another moan, just the touch of Jax sent a wave of ecstasy through my body. His fingers slowly massaged my clit before finally slipping in and out of my sex, I squeezed my legs tighter around him because it felt so good, when he couldn't take my moaning anymore he finally thrust himself inside me and it was a feeling like no other. I had enjoyed sex with Jax before but he was just a boy then and now he had obviously became a sex god! His rhythm felt indescribable and hitting me in all the right spots, I knew it wouldn't take long for me to climax. Jax grabbed a fist of my hair forcing my head back and growled in my ear "come for me baby" and I did just that. My whole body shook from the intense pleasure filling my body starting from my toes all the way up. When my body came down from it's high I almost went limp in Jax's arm right when climaxed, he gripped my thighs so hard I thought they were gonna bruise and he gave a few more thrusts before falling against me. As we tried to steady our breathing, Jax looked up at me and smiled, "god damn that was incredible! I don't know what spell you have over me Harley but I don't ever want it to stop." I smiled back at him knowing exactly how he felt. We finished that night washing ourselves off in the shower and then tangled up in each other in bed where we drifted off in sleep leaving Jax's demons far from our minds.


	5. Chapter 5

**If there are some spelling errors in my work I don't really like to go back and proof read after writing so much so I apologize!**

*Jax's POV*

Something awoke me in the very early hours of the morning while the sun had barely began to creep through the window, maybe a bad dream or just a bad feeling but I lay there awake taking the time to watch Harley sleep so peacefully next to me. I had loved her from the minute she was born, literally. Granted I didn't remember much since I was so young but I was always told stories of how I would never leave her side which I knew was true because I could never imagine wanting to, I mean how could you? She was the most exquisite human being my eyes have ever seen! Her hair was dark as night with the most amazing blue eyes, they weren't your every day blues eyes, they almost looked like ice which stood out against her lightly tanned skin. I could never decide which I liked more, her eyes or the set of full luscious lips she had on her but honestly I loved everything about her down to the last freckle. I studied her hard as if it would be the last day I saw her, I loved her more than she would ever know. They say some don't believe in soul mates but I knew to the very core of me Harley was destined for me, I would lay my life down for hers with no hesitation. The love I had for this woman was inhumanly. I should have hated her for leaving me that night and trust me I tried with everything in me, even tried fueling that anger under many awful women but the hatred never came... just the hurt and anger. She was my heroin and while she was away I felt the severe withdraws from not having her. She smiled slightly in her sleep and stirred a little, I could only pray she was dreaming about me. I could never really describe the feeling I had when Harley walked into that chapel and back into my life but I knew Harley being back in my life meant trouble. The club had a lot of heat on them right now from rival gangs and if they knew Harley was back in Charming, I'd hate to think of what they would try to do but as God as my witness I'd never let a single soul on this earth fuckin' touch her.

The first sight I saw was Jax, he was laying on his pillow and staring at me, "good morning, why are you awake so early?" He shrugged his shoulders, "couldn't sleep I guess.. I think they call it insomnia or some bullshit." I turned on my side so I could face him better, "so is this where you leave me now?" I joked with him as he gave me a sideways smile, "nah babe, I'm all yours today.. I told Clay whatever business comes up they can handle it on their own." I ran my hand through his hair, "well in that case, you hungry?," he pulled me in close for a kiss, "I'm starving.. I thought you'd never feed me." We got out of bed and while Jax got dressed I went downstairs to start cooking french toast. As I began to whisk the egg mixture, Jax strode downstairs and opened the refrigerator to grab a beer, "it's kinda weird to see you cookin' in here again, I'm so use to only seeing your old man throw a TV dinner in the microwave." I made a yuck face because I hated those fucking TV dinners and actually felt bad my dad had to live off of them. "Yeah well, this is now a TV dinner free home, never again will I stock that freezer full of those disgusting things," I exclaimed while Jax wrapped his arms around me from behind and playfully bit my neck, "guess that means I'll be seeing a lot of you in this kitchen," he said while I elbowed him away, "not if you keep harassing the chef!" He threw his hands up showing he would back off and sat down at the dining table and lit a cigarette. When I finished the french toast, I sat his plate down first and then mine. "So, if your all mine today what are we gonna do?" I asked him as he stuffed his face and in between chews he said, "I figured we could drive down to the fair today and maybe if you behave I'll win you a stuffed puppy or something." He smirked at me as I kicked him under the table, "or maybe if your good I'll let you hold my hand while we are there" I teased back at him. He shrugged, "I'll just hold your ass in my hand the whole time, pick your poison babe," he said as he got up, picking our plates up to put them in the sink. I rolled my eyes at him, he was such a smart ass.

After I cleaned the kitchen up I went upstairs to get ready and Jax went on the porch to clean his gun very thoroughly for obvious reasons. I found my denim shorts, a simple tank top, sandals and my rayban sunglasses to wear for the day. When I stepped outside to let Jax know I was ready he was trying to light a white rag on fire that had blood spots on it. "You ready to go?" I asked while he stomped the flames out, "yeah just let me go get my things inside.. Be right back babe." I waited patiently for him to return and when he did, he held out my leather jacket, smiling, "just to make sure everyone knows you're mine." I shook my head at him but put the jacket on because I knew it would make him happy even though I wasn't quite sure if the jacket was meant for me anymore. After we got situated on Jax's bike and I had my arms locked around him, he roared onto the road and deeper into Charming. The feel of the vibration between my legs and the loud sound of the bikes engine brought back memories of always riding around town on the back of Jax's bike and since we were headed to the fair, that was where my mind went to. We would always make plans weeks in advance and we'd double date with Opie and Donna, I couldn't remember one time we went that we didn't always have fun. Opie and Donna usually bailed early on through out the night but Jax and I would stay and ride the ferris wheel for hours, just drinking for the smuggled in booze we brought and talking. One time the ferris wheel operator actually had to wake us up since we passed smooth out from being so drunk and high. I smiled to myself remembering such fond memories and wondering why I was so nervous to come back to Charming in the first place because it felt like not much had changed and I picked up where I left off.

I took my helmet off when we pulled up to the fair and observed it, it looked the same. I grabbed Jax's hand and pulled him with me, I admit I was probably more excited about this little small town fair than I should have been. "If you don't stop dragging me I'm gonna throw you over my shoulder," he warned so I slowed a bit not wanting to test his threat and see the fair upside down for the rest of the day. "Come on Jax! Let's see if ya got what it takes to win me the biggest stuffed animal they have" I winked at him while pointing to a small stand with guns, targets and about 50 stuffed animals. He huffed, "I'll win you 5 of those stupid fuckin' animals" and true to his word Jax did just that, he was an exceptional sharpshooter, but I let the guy from the stand keep most of his prizes and only took one over sized tiger since I didn't know how I would carry more than one. After that we rode the ferris wheel a few times, went through the house of mirrors, and rode several rides before stopping and making Jax get me some cotton candy. We walked around the fairgrounds aimlessly a while so I could finish the fluffy cotton candy, Jax had his arm around my shoulders and it felt like the prefect day until Jax suddenly stopped. I looked up at him to see him staring straight ahead, when I tried to curiously follow his gaze, I had wished I didn't. Stumbling around the fair looking lost and like a zombie was Wendy, she was very clearly high off something, she could hardly even keep her eyes open she was so drugged up. Jax turned to me, "I know you don't like her Harley but I just need to check on her and see if I can get her out of here.. Will you wait by the carousel for me?" I blankly looked at him trying to be the bigger person and not yell at him for leaving me to go attend to that junkie but I did as he asked and waited by the carousel with all the kids screaming and laughing, watching Jax and Wendy from a far. Of course I couldn't hear what was being said but I could see Wendy's face lit up through her drug haze realizing Jax was walking to her, she tried reaching out for him but Jax redirected her hands and off of him which I was thankful for. I could see Jax was clearly frustrated with Wendy but was that also a hint of worry for her? Or was that my out of control jealousy kicking in? I watched as Jax made a phone call and led Wendy to an empty bench to sit down, she looked so happy that Jax was giving her attention, I felt sick with anger. When Jax was done talking to whoever on the phone, he kneeled down to talk to Wendy as she nodded her head in agreeance to whatever he was telling her. Finally I had to look away and watch the children go by on the carousel to distract me from my growing irritation and fury. I knew I wasn't 18 anymore and it was this childish to be so jealous but Jax always brought that side out of me, more than I knew I had. Maybe I could have handled it better if Wendy was some one night stand but there was something about knowing she was Jax's ex wife that really lit a fire under me. I was suppose to be his first and last marriage regardless if I fucked that up, I just had this fantasy that I'd be the only woman he would be saying his vows too. After a few minutes, the carousel couldn't hold my attention anymore due to growing curiosity of what was happening, when I looked over Jax was actually walking back to me and I couldn't help but look over his shoulder at Wendy. She had watched after Jax when he walked away but when she saw he was walking towards me she had an expression of pure hate and she almost mirrored my own jealousy which felt nice. "I'm seriously fuckin' sorry babe, but I couldn't let her walk around here fucked up like that so Tig is gonna come and pick her up.. Your good right?" He tried to meet my eyes but I just shrugged him off trying to show it didn't really affect me because I was too worry my voice would give my anger away. However, still sensing I wasn't in good spirits anymore he asked, "you wanna go?" I simply nodded my head wanting nothing more than to put distance between me and that mistake.

I stormed off ahead of Jax when we got back to the house since I had the whole ride back to stew in my jealousy and anger. He followed a few minutes after me and immediately started in, "okay, what's your fuckin' deal Harley? I'm not fuckin' stupid" I quickly turned on my heels prepared for this fight, "if you aren't stupid than don't act so fuckin' stupid! I had you today, all to my fuckin' self until you just had to be that low life's shiny knight and armor! Like how does that look Jackson Teller?! Your with me and your running off to help your ex wife! You know what? What if Ben Abbott from 10th grade was crying on a park bench and I left you to go console him, how would you fuckin' feel Jax?!" Ben Abbott was kind of a funny story, there was a time when Jax had pissed me off to the point we "broke up" and to get back at Jax I started talking to Ben, he was the only boy in school not scared to talk to me until word got back to Jax. Hearing that boys name I could see Jax's head about to explode, I definitely hit a nerve, he stepped closer to me pointing a finger angrily in my direction, "don't even fuckin' bring that name up to me! That's bullshit and you can't just turn shit around on me.. You know what Harley I'm not gonna sit here and waste my breath with you until you can stop being such a bitch!," and with that he stormed back out the front door and left. I went to go take a shower in hopes to cool down, I know it was a silly fight but aren't most fights childish and silly? As I let the water rinse over me I desperately wanted to forget the last hour but it clung to my mind. Jax was mine again and I didn't want anyone near him if they lusted after him, it was kind of crazy how psycho I had become in only a matter of being back but maybe Charming just had that effect on people. Still trying to sort out my feelings I got out of the shower and dried off not really knowing what to do with myself afterwards so I went downstairs to pour myself some wine and relax, "Ughh, Jesus Christ could this day get any worse!" I yelled as a slammed back the refrigerator door because I was outta wine and that just wouldn't be okay. So I slipped on my shoes and grabbed my keys to head to the little store down the road.

When I pulled up to the store, I switched the engine off and gathered my bag. As I was getting my things together to get out of the car I glanced up to see the car parked next to me had it's window slightly rolled down and the man was staring at me but when our eyes met he quickly looked away. I found it odd but nothing more than a strange man so I continued what I was doing and headed into the store. I browsed through the aisles trying to decide if a nice moscato or a strong red wine would do it tonight when something caught my eye. In the corner above my head the store had the mirrors mounted so you could see if someone was stealing and that's how I could see the man in the aisle behind me, idly staring at a can of peanuts longer than he should. My senses started to heighten and I just wanted to get out of there so I grabbed a bottle and proceeded to the cashier.. and so did the young Hispanic man. I tried not to show I was aware of his presence and paid for the wine even though I could feel this mans eyes on me. Once the cashier handed my change back, I picked my wine up and exited the store, trying to hurry to get in my car before the man came out. I was putting my car in reverse when the man came out, he took one look at me and he too quickly got in his car. I watched in the rear view mirror for his car more than I did the road in front of me, I never saw it. When I safely got back home I dismissed my feelings as paranoia but still made sure I locked up right that night. After one more check out the window I wrapped up in a blanket with my much needed glass of wine and a movie where I fell asleep for the first time without Jax and my body felt his absence greatly.


	6. Chapter 6

**Not satisfied with this chapter but I'll post anyways!**

I started the day with a mild headache from drowning myself in wine last night and wondering when Jax would call or show up. It was about noon when my phone lit up his name, I was half tempted to let him get my voicemail but decided against it. "Hello" I answered with irritation, "is it safe to be around you yet?," he asked. I glared not caring if he couldn't actually see it, "go fuck yourself Teller" and I could hear the smile in his voice when he replied, "why would I do that? That's why I got you babe." For a brief moment I forgot he was an ass and let a small laugh out, "see darlin' you can't stay mad at me forever, now get dressed and come down to the clubhouse." We joked with each other for a little while longer before I hung up with him and got dressed.

I arrived to the clubhouse to see some of the boys standing outside and clearly just bullshitting around, among them was two familiar faces, Tigs and Chibs. I approached them and Tigs greeted, "ahh, if it isn't Jax's old lady... Boys, listen up, if your ever caught lookin' her way Jax with cut your fuckin' eyes from your pretty little skull" he said to the unfamiliar members I didn't know. I playfully slapped him on the arm and gave him a hug before making my way to Chibs. He opened his arms to embrace me and said, "it's so good to see our little crow again, Jack would have been a happy man seeing you here again." Chibs had been one of my fathers most loyal members and friend, he had always felt more like an uncle to me growing up. When he let go of me I looked up at him and said, "thanks Chibs, I'd give anything to make shit right with him." Chibs gave me a sorrowful look but before he could say anything else, Clay came out the doors and called to me, "Harley, I'm glad your here.. I've been meaning to find the time to call you. Can you come in here for a sec?" I wasn't sure why Clay would need anything from me but I nodded and followed him inside. He led me into the office where all the clubhouse papers were kept, dealer contacts, prices of illegal merchandise, budget numbers etc. Clay picked up a box full with things and set it on the table, "this is some of your fathers stuff, I figured you want to look through it." I looked up from the box at him, "yeah thanks, Clay" I went over to inspect the contents of the box but got interrupted by Clay clearing his throat, "uh, before I leave you alone I just wanted to let you know I personally am sorry about your father, he was one of the best men I've ever known." I smiled at him letting him know I appreciated his words before he shut the door leaving me alone with a box I wasn't too sure about. I sat down in the chair and started to pick up the things that were on top, they were old photographs. Slowly, I looked through them not really recognizing the old people in them, I figured they were just family members from my dad's side of the family. I was about to put them back until I came across one that surprised me, it was a picture of my mother. I didn't remember much of her since I was young when she passed but I knew it was her from the striking resemblance to me. Shortly after my moms death my father had taken every picture of her in the house down, I think that constant reminder of her was just too much for him to handle. I stared at her frozen face for a few moments before going through the rest, they were of me as a baby or young girl, I made sure to put the pictures safely back so they didn't get lost before I proceeded further more in the box. It was mainly knickknacks and random things until I got to the bottom and saw the stack of envelopes addressed to me. Puzzled, I took them out and ripped open the first one, I scanned it quickly and sat back in my chair trying not to cry. My father had attempted writing me letter while I was away in college and I guess he never felt like he was saying the right things since he never mailed them to me. When I regained myself I pushed forward and read the rest of the letters, one had read:

 _"Harley,_

 _I'm not sure what I'm trying to say in this letter but I'll give it a shot so give your old man some slack if I get it wrong. I understand I didn't handle you leaving well but I had a lot of hopes for you and being a white coat wasn't one of them. I don't think I can ever say I'll fully be proud of you for becoming a doctor since I always pictured you being the first VP woman in this club but I can say I'm beyond proud of you for chasing your dreams and not letting your big headed father stand in your way, you always were strong headed from the moment you were born. If you ever want to look back, I'll be right here when you do._

 _\- Dad"_

Most of the letters went like that, some rambled on and some sounded more angry than the others but mainly I could tell he just wanted to mend things between us. I couldn't contain the sadness anymore, the regret of never saying the things I should have said pierced my heart. I wanted nothing more to have one more conversation with my father, if he could sit here and write these letters to me why couldn't I have picked up the damn phone and just told him I didn't want to fight with him because I missed him but I knew why. That damn Clemont pride. I was too much like my father than I'd like to admit but how could I not be? He was a single father raising a little girl in a dangerous lifestyle. He taught me how to throw a left hook, how to shoot a gun, change a tire, and in my later teen years he focused mainly on teaching me the ropes on dealing with business within the club. He really did the best he could giving me the best life he was capable of and for that I'll always be grateful for my father. My thoughts got interrupted by a knock at the door and in came Jax, "hey babe, I didn't even know you were here until I saw your car.." he stopped finally noticing something was wrong, "hey beautiful, what's wrong?" I didn't say anything to him I simply just handed one of my fathers letters to him, he took it from me and started reading. When he was finished he laid it on the table and looked at me, "I'm surprised he wrote these, your old man never let on it bothered him.. Hell I remember many times he would get on my shit for the way I acted after you left." That was Jack Clemont for you, always a hard ass. "I know I can't change the past it just bugs me we were too damn stupid to talk to each other all those years," I said to Jax as he pulled me up from the chair, "well thank god we wised up," he smiled as he kissed me. Yes, thank god we did!

We stayed at the clubhouse until almost dark just shooting pool and drinking beers, I got to know more of the gang and catch up with Chibs, Tig, and Bobby. When we were leaving I made my way around saying bye and my lost stop was Chibs, he gave me that old familiar smile and said, "don't be a stranger little crow princess," and raising his voice a little louder so Jax could hear he added, "and don't let that asshole keep you to himself." I looked over my shoulder at Jax who was shooting Chibs the finger, I couldn't help but laugh. When we got to the parking lot Jax followed me to my car, I was opening my car door when Jax slammed it back shut and pushed me up against my mustang. He had one hand on my hip and the other hand cupping my neck, drawing me in to kiss him. It was one of those slow passionate kisses that make your knees buckle from under you but Jax had that effect no matter how he was kissing me. Before he pulled away from the kiss I lightly bit the bottom of his lip trying to tease him, it worked. A rough moan escaped from his throat and he pressed his body further onto me, I could sense his arousal. "You want me to fuck you in your car before you leave?" He said in my ear and as tempting as it was I needed to get back home, I had a resume that was in desperate need to be finished. "Sorry baby, I gotta get back but if you want you can just come home with me now and we can figure something out," I purred seductively in his ear. Jax took a step away from me probably to distance himself from all the sexual tension and attraction as he frustratedly sighed, "you better go before I just fuckin' pick you up and carry you upstairs since I can't leave here yet." I smirked at him, feeling good I could arouse him this much but I quickly kissed him and left because if I stayed any longer I probably would have let Jax carry me upstairs.

When I arrived home, I changed into pajamas and got comfortable in bed with my laptop situated on my lap. I was determined to finish my resume so I could start working again. My hands had began to itch with the need to work with surgical instruments again. Before coming back I was a general surgeon at the local hospital in the town I lived in, I had only actually been working a year and a half out of med school but I already had high respect from my fellow colleagues which felt like an incredible accomplishment. It didn't take me long to finish since I didn't have much experience not being out of school that long, but I wrote about my studies in school, my knowledge of anatomy and surgical techniques and listed my work dates for the previous hospital. When I felt like it was good, I emailed it to the head of St. Thomas hospital here in Charming and hoped I'd be hearing from them soon. As I closed the computer and snuggled further into bed, I heard the sound of Jax's bike pull up in the driveway and then the opening and closing of the front door. I listened to the thuds on the stairs as he made his way upstairs and stop in the doorway, "your not going to sleep on me already, are you?" He said, shrugging his jacket off and climbing on top of me. I raised up to meet him with a kiss, "maybe but I'm sure you can change that" I teased. He grinned down at me, "if the club wasn't being watched so much by the damn pigs we could have already started." I kissed him some more before replying absentmindedly, "yeah I know, they came here a few days ago.." As if I had spit poison on him, he recoiled from me, "what? Why didn't you tell me?" I sat up sensing the immediate change in Jax, "I just didn't find the right time to bring it up... I didn't say anything to them Jax," I said hoping it would calm him down. He looked pissed and concerned all at the same time, I was starting to feel utterly confused with the situation. "What did they want?" He questioned me, "they asked about the Mayans and if I'd basically spy on the club.. I told them no Jax, what is going on?" He ran his hand through his hair nervously, "nothing, just a lot of shit happening and it's something you don't need to get involved in," he said seriously and added, "and if cops come by here again you need to call me, you understand Harley?" I simply nodded because I could tell Jax was really touchy right now and anything could probably set it him. We went to bed that night with no sex and Jax staring at the ceiling. I wanted so badly to question further on why he was acting so strangely, it's not like it's the first time the authorities had been all over the club. However, I left Jax alone and drifted off to sleep putting this moment far far away from my mind.

The next morning I made my way downstairs since I had woken up to an empty bed and decided it was time to make breakfast. Before I could make it to the kitchen the sound of Jax's voice on the front porch stopped me, I could him talking on the phone through the screen door. "I don't know Clay but I can't keep this hidden forever.." He said in a hushed voice, "what we are doing is fucked up and I don't agree.." Jax was quiet listening to whatever Clay was saying on the other end, "I'll handle my way.. I'll see you later," Jax said with irritation before hanging up. I quickly made my way to the refrigerator grabbing a bottle of water before Jax came inside, I didn't want him to know I had been listening. When he saw me he looked a little surprised, "good morning.. I thought you'd sleep a little longer that's why I didn't wanna wake you," he said coming over to kiss me. "The bed felt empty without you," I smiled at him before continuing getting something out to eat. The rest of the day was spent cuddled up on the couch together and watching movies, I really enjoyed being lazy with Jax. When I was away I never really spent time just lounging around, partly because the life of a doctor isn't exactly slow and the fact I hated being alone. Being alone was one of the hardest adjustments when I went to school, I was so use to spend almost every waking moment with Jax and then when he wasn't there the boys at the club or even Gemma. So taking this time to just enjoy being close to Jax was amazing, being wrapped in his arms made me feel so safe and at peace really. We stayed wrapped up in each other until the sun started to lower before Jax looked at me sorrowful, "I hate this part, but I gotta go babe.. Call me if you need anything." He kissed me goodbye before throwing his shirt and jacket on and leaving. I hated that part too, but I knew I shared Jax with gang.

After Jax left I stayed on the couch since there wasn't much else I could do when my phone rang. It was an unknown number but I had gotten use to getting these types of calls. I answered, "hello?" and on the other end came the voice of a man, "hi Ms. Clemont, I apologize for calling so late but I really need to talk with you." It was the sheriff from the other day, "um, it's no problem but I've already told you I can't help you, sir," I reminded him of our conversation that day. "It's not about that, it's about something you said that day but I can't really discuss it over the phone.. Would you be willing to meet me at this little diner on the edge of town?" I felt really confused and played the conversation I had had with him that day over in my head trying to figure out what I had said that made him want to talk with me again but I came up with nothing. I should have told this man I couldn't come and immediately called Jax after we hung up but I had a nagging feel something just wasn't right, from the first visit I had with the cops, the way Jax acted so weird about it and now this phone call, I just had to get to the bottom of it so I agreed. "Yeah I'll get ready and meet you in about 45 minutes." He thanked me for agreeing to come and we hung up so I could go get ready.

Sheriff Wolf was waiting for me outside the little mom and pop diner when I pulled up. As I got out of the car he came over to me and shook my hand, "I really appreciate you coming all the way out here to talk with me." I told him it was no problem and we went inside and got a table. After we ordered drinks I asked him, "I'm really at a lost of what's going on Sheriff, what buisness do you have with me?" Before he answered he pulled a folder out of the bag he had brought with him and laid it on the table, "I understand you don't know what things are going down with SAMCRO anymore but there is something you need to know," I raised my eyebrow at him questionably as he continued, "it's not news to you that the Sons and Mayans have bad blood but recently it came to head over a drug issue.. Now I'm about to show you some pictures because I think you deserve to know." I wasn't prepared for what was in that folder when he opened them. I looked in horror at pictures of my father laying on the ground in a pool of blood, he had two gunshot wounds to the chest. One striking him in the heart and you didn't need to be a doctor to know that was fatal. My stomach felt sick looking at them, seeing my father laying there dead in such a gruesome manner gripped my heart with an unknown emotion. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the graphic pictures while I half listened to the sheriff saying, "I'm really sorry you had to find out this way but when you told me he died of a heart attack I knew you didn't know the truth about what happen.." I quickly jumped up from the booth we were seated at covering my mouth in fear I'd vomit and rushed out as the sheriff called after me. I just couldn't stay there a second longer talking with him or seeing those pictures. I started my car as fast as I could and tore out of there just when the tears came crashing down. I had always worried that would be the demise of my father but actually seeing him that way tore me apart. My beloved father gunned down. As my body shook with grief it slowly turned into a blinding rage, not only because someone had taken my fathers life but I was fucking lied to! It slowly all came together with the way Jax acted and the phone conversation this morning, that fucking bastard lied to me! I raced home trying to control every emotion that seeped out of me but there was no controlling me and I only had two thoughts on my mind. Killing the fucking man who shot my father and confronting the man I loved.


	7. Chapter 7

I probably should have continued home but my rage redirected me to the clubhouse. I had to find Jax, my body was livid with fury and my sorrow just fed it even more, I needed to get it all out and Jax was my target. When I reached the clubhouse I barreled through the doors startling Gemma who was counting a stack of cash at the bar and getting attention from Clay and Opie who were in side as well. "Where the fuck is Jax?!" I demanded, Gemma looked me puzzled and exchanged looks with Clay. I breathed heavily trying to hold my anger in waiting for any one of them to speak up. Opie was the one that stepped towards me but very cautious seeing I was beyond pissed off, "he is out doing buisness Harley.. Is everything okay?" I glared at him since I knew he lied to me to which hurt since Opie and I use to be so close but I guess it is true you can't trust even the closest people. "Go fuck yourself Opie!" I snapped at him when Gemma finally stepped in, "whoa, baby, what's wrong? What is all this about?" I shot her a murderous look before I spoke to her through gritted teeth, "how fuckin' dare you lie to me about my dad! All of you! I had ever fuckin' right to know my father was fuckin' murdered! So fuck every last one of you!" When they realized I knew the truth they all three exchanged a look of shock between them but before they had the chance to get another word out, I spun on my heels and left. I heard Opie chasing after me and yelling at me to slow down but I didn't want to hear what he had to say so I started my car before he could reach me and left.

When I got back home I paced back and forth in the living room, desperately trying to sort out my mind. The betrayal of the clubhouse and Jax stabbed me in the heart, if it wasn't already bad enough my father was murdered by the Mayans, it's much worse to be finding out like this. I needed something to numb me, to save me from my own self so I went to the kitchen and grabbed the bottle of vodka that was kept in the cabinet and returned back to the living room to pace. I was about half way into the bottle and very drunk when the noise of a motorcycle pulled me out of my thoughts, I expected it to be Jax and prepared myself. Instead in walked Opie with his hands out defensively at me, "Harley... Calm down.. And let's talk about it.." I picked up a glass vase off the mantel and hurled it at him, Opie dunked in enough time for the vase to crash and shattered behind him, I picked up another object ready to throw, "get the fuck out Opie! I don't wanna see your lying fuckin' face!" I warned, he stood for a few seconds debating with himself if he wanted to start this fight or not but he gave into defeat and retreated outside where he sat on the porch steps. I sat down on the couch and continued to try to put myself in an intoxicated coma, I wanted to drink this pain away so badly. Unfortunately I didn't get the chance when I heard Jax pull up, I watched through the screen door as Opie walked out to meet him and probably warning him what he was about to walk into. When Jax finished talking to Opie he bounded up the porch steps and busted through the door making his way towards me, I quickly got up from where I was sitting and stepped back, yelling at him, "don't come a step closer to me! You disgust me Jax!.. I want you to go! Now!" He didn't move and I knew he wouldn't leave that easily, "I'm not going anywhere babe, please just calm down and talk to me about this." I glared at him hard before speaking again, "you want me to calm down after I just found out my father was murdered and you fuckin' lied about it?! How could I be so naive to believe he died of a heart attack?.. Now just fucking leave!" He took a small step closer, trying to close the distance between us, "Harley please.. I fucked up, I fucked up bad but please just listen.. We all decided you were better off knowing differently and not getting you mixed up in that shit anymore.. I'm not saying we were right to do that to you but we had good intentions behind it.." I didn't care to listen to his pathetic excuses or even him, I just wanted him to leave and my emotions hit the roof, "I'm not a child Jax, you don't get to decide what's good for me... Just fucking go because right now I hate you, I fucking hate you Jax Teller.." The words cut him, I could tell which is exactly what I wanted even though I knew I didn't mean them and they were just empty words but I wanted to hurt him just as much as he hurt me. We both stood frozen in place, letting my words sink in before he spoke, "your angry.. Just come here Harley" he said with desperation. I didn't give in, I stood firmly in my place and let my body language tell Jax just that. He shook his head and cussed, "god damnit Harley!" before crossing the distance towards me, I tried to keep the distance and move back more but there was no more room so when Jax reached me my bodys first reaction was to slap him against his face but that didn't faze him. He grabbed me tightly around my wrist while I struggled against him, I didn't want him to hold me or even touch me, I was so angry at this man. I'm not sure if the resistance against Jax burned away my rage or my body gave into him but I collapsed into him and sobbed.

The whole night he never let go of me, we sat on the floor with me in his arms crying and him stroking my hair to comfort me. After what felt like a lifetime I ran out of tears and just let the numbness settle over me, I no longer felt grief or madness, just numbness. I blankly stared at the wall while still wrapped in Jax's arms until I had to ask, "why did he die?" My voice sounded so hollow and void of any emotion it sounded strange to my own ears. Jax took so long to answer I began to think he wasn't but he finally answered my question, "Clay and your father was pissed when the Mayans burned down our warehouse a while back causing us to lose a lot of money so once Clay got word of where the Mayans heroin factory was he came up with this plan to ride down to Nevada and burn down their biggest heroin factory in return... A few weeks after that went down we got a call telling us Jack had been shot in a liquor store parking lot by a car with the Mayan insignia on the back." He sounded haunted by recalling the memories, Jax and my father had always been close, he was like a second father to Jax after his real father died so I could only imagine it wasn't easy for Jax either. We had sat on that living room floor for so long the morning light had began to seep in, casting shadows around the room and giving it a ghostly feel. Jax slowly got up from where we sat and gathered me into his arms to carry me upstairs, I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and buried my face in his shoulder, I didn't ever think I'd want to feel the touch of Jax again but once I let go of the heartache in me I was just left shattered and feared if I didn't hold on to him I'd simple fall apart. He laid me gently down on the bed but didn't climb in with me instead he stood at the edge of the bed and asked, "do you want me to leave?" I looked at him, I could tell he really didn't want to leave me but he was trying to give me my space. Honestly, space was the last thing I wanted, I wanted desperately to feel his warmth against mr and distract the demons that roamed in my body. I didn't have the words to tell him that so I pulled his hand and led him on top of me, I needed him to make my body feel anything other than the numbness that had resided in me. I kissed him feverishly and began to lift his shirt off, at first Jax was unsure but he let me do as I please and gave me what I wanted. The feel of his kisses against my neck slowly brought my mind and body back to life, he kissed me tenderly on my collar bone and pulled my shirt up revealing my breasts where he continued to kiss and bite at my aroused nipples. My body squirmed underneath him at the sheer pleasure of his mouth on me and I fought back the moan wanting to escape from me. Before he could keep traveling down I wrapped my legs around him and flipped us over so I was on top and began to unbuckle his jeans. When I freed his erected penis I put my mouth over the tip and slowly slid my mouth up and down while my tongue caressed him, I sped up faster as Jax fisted his hand in my hair and let out sounds of pleasure letting me know I was doing my job well. When he couldn't take it anymore he pulled my up as I saddled him and he found his way inside me, the moment I felt him fully inside I shuddered with bliss . Jax passionately kissed me while his hands on my hips guided my rhythm on top of him. With each thrust I felt closer and closer to my orgasm, my body tingled with the feeling of it so closely. Jax sat up and wrapped his arm around my waist to support me while he cupped my breast and put it in his mouth where his tongue played with my nipple, the double sensation sent me over the edge and threw my head back in complete ecstasy while climaxed, Jax followed shortly afterwards grabbing me tighter until he finished. I fell off of him and laid my head against his chest, listening to him try to regain his breath. I tried to hold on to this feeling as long as I could, not wanting to let myself slip back into the numbness when Jax lifted my chin up so he could sweetly kiss me. He pulled back and looked deeply into my eyes with a serious hardness, "I love you Harley... Tell me how I can fix this." Without needing a hesitation to think of an answers I immediately followed with, "I want you to find the man and let me kill him.." Jax never said another word to me that night but I meant what I said, I wanted with everything in me to watch as the last breath left this man who took my fathers last. That was all I could think about when I fell into a deep sleep, thankful for the escape from reality.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks for the few reviews I've gotten so far! I really love reading what you guys have to say and it definitely motivates me to write more! I hope y'all enjoy this chapter!**

The alcohol that cursed through my body kept my mind sedated for most of the day while I slept but as my body filter it out my mind became restless and I began to dream terrible things. I was in that parking lot and standing in front of me was my father, he was exactly how I remembered him, his peppered hair I loved so much, the smell of Old Spice and how he towered over me. He smiled at me which was a rare thing for my unaffectionate father and said, "if it isn't my little SAMCRO princess.. I've almost forgot what you looked like.. I swear you couldn't look more like your mother if you tried." I wanted to hug him so badly but I refrained because my father was never a hugger, I could only count on one hand the number of times I had hugged my dad, "I've missed you dad, I should have never left.. We can start over and I'll become VP, just like you wanted Dad.." I choked back tears, it was so overwhelming to see and speak with my father again. He looked down at the ground and shook his head, "it doesn't work like that Harley.. But I have faith-" before my father could finish he began gasping for air and clawing at his chest, I stared in horror not knowing what was happening until he removed his hands and they were covered with blood. It wasn't until then I noticed the two wounds in his chest.. One in his heart. I began to panic as my father collapsed to the ground, clinging to life desperately, while all I could do was cry and apply pressure to the injuries. I watched as he painfully drew his last breath and the life flee from his eyes, I broke down even more. In a state of shock, I stared down at my trembling hands covered in blood and started to scream..

"Baby! Wake up!.. You're dreamin'!" I opened my eyes to Jax hovering over me and shaking my shoulder, "you were having a bad dream babe" he said when I sat up in a sweat and remembering my dream, it felt so real. I clung to Jax seeking his comfort while he tightly held me and told me it was all gonna be okay. "Come on, let me run you a bath" he said as he carried me to the bathroom.

For a whole week, Jax and I stayed holed up inside. He was very patient with me as I dealt with my emotions and erratic mood swings. Not once did he leave my side even when he got phone calls, he told them it could be dealt with without him. Most the time Jax worried over me as I slept or moved through the days in a zombie like state but he did his best to distract me. It wasn't until I got the call from the hospital and did a phone interview with them that I started to feel pieces of me return, I guess because the mere thought of being back in the surgical room excited me. I had told Jax the good news and he smiled at me seeing the first hope of happiness returning in me, "that's badass babe, they'd be crazy not to want you." I sat in his lap and kissed him, "thanks for staying with me this week, I probably would have killed myself in alcohol." He tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear, "I'd do anything for you babe.. I still feel like shit for what I did and hope you forgive me." I nuzzled my face against his neck feeling his beard scratch against my skin, "let's just call me leaving and you lyin' even babe.. I need you more than ever right now." He nodded his head in agreeance, "so were you serious that night?" I looked up at him confused, "what are you talking about?" He met my eyes, "when you said you wanted to kill that man," I replied to him, "yes, I want y'all to find him and I want to kill him." I looked at him seriously to let him know I wasn't joking, Jax sighed deeply and shook his head, "babe, I don't think you know what your asking.. It's not easy taking a mans life." I knew what Jax was trying to convey to me but I didn't really care, how I looked at it was an eye for an eye, they didn't really care about shooting my father so I wouldn't care for putting a bullet in him. "I'll be fine Jax," I reassured him.

The morning of my first day of work, I shot out of bed and started to get ready, I wanted to get there 45 minutes early to make a good impression and partially to finally escape this house. As I was brushing my teeth at the sink Jax came behind me in his boxers and a sleepy look on his face as he wrapped himself around me from behind, "you sure you ready to start working again?," he asked me. I said through a mouthful of toothpaste, "you have no idea." I quickly ate breakfast, grabbed my keys and kissed Jax bye before heading off to the hospital.

When I arrived I met with the director of the hospital, Mr. Branson, to fill out paperwork and get my badge and coat. "It's such a pleasure to have you joining our team Dr. Clemont.. I've heard nothing but good things about you and your work in the operation room," he said as we shook hands. "I'm very excited to start work and help others, sir" I said to him. We finished up in the office before he left me with a nurse to help show me around for my first week. She was a very polite young blonde whose name was Tiffany, "hi, it's nice to meet you, let me show you the charts for today." We went over today's schedule and patients before I actually saw my first one. It was an older man who was here for a hernia, I looked over his blood work and had him show me where it hurt before discussing how the procedure would go. I reassured him it was very simple and I've done them before so his mind would be at ease. My day went pretty much like that, just talking with the patients and getting to know them. Even though it would be a few more days before I actually got to operate on anyone it still felt nice being back in a white coat and being in the busy hospital atmosphere. I took my lunch break and headed to the hospital cafeteria to grab a bite to eat, I ordered a sandwich with some chips and made my way outside to eat on a little patio the hospital had. I sat there by myself, enjoying the first day I actually felt like myself again, with the week of rehab from Jax and now the therapy from busying myself with work I really felt myself become whole again. As I was deep in thought, I was spotted by Tiffany who waved to me and asked if she could join me, I nodded my head. "I figured you might want some company since it's your first day and all," she smiled sweetly at me, "thanks, it's actually been a pretty great first day so far, it shouldn't be long before I get the hang of things." She took a bite of her food before continuing, "so where are you from?.. I actually moved here about 2 years ago from Washington, the state not the capital." She laughed, "I'm actually from Charming, I just moved to Oakland to do my medical schooling and recently returned." She nodded her head in understandment, "oh I see, so your not married or anything?" I shook my head, "no, not married but hopefully one day." She smiled mischievously at me and said, "well don't worry, there are a ton of hot doctors here, I'm sure you'd have no problem catching one of their eyes." I put my hands up stopping her from going any further, "no, no, no.. I said I wasn't married but I'm 100% taken already," I exclaimed. "Oh really? Who are you dating?" I told her I was in a serious relationship with Jax and her jaw dropped, "that sexy biker dude? Oh my gosh, I'm officially jealous of you.. You haven't even been here that long and you have the sexiest man in this town. Kudos to you girl." I laughed at her, "Jax and I go way back but I guess I am lucky to have him." We sat and talked until we finished lunch, she mainly kept asking me what it was like to be dating a man like Jax and her plans to one day go to medical school herself. I continued out the rest of the day reviewing charts and bloodwork that had recently came back before I clocked out for the day.

On my way home I received a text from Jax saying he would be there later unless I needed him there before but I texted him back and told him I'd be fine and to stop worrying about me so much but I knew that would never happen. When I got home, I changed into more comfortable clothes and poured myself a glass of wine before I went on the porch with a book. I had been inside so much I felt like it was more like a prison than a home, especially with Jax away. I must have fell asleep outside on the porch bench because before I knew Jax was picking up my feet to sit down and placing them over his lap. I sleepily greeted, "hey babe" he smiled at me, "long day huh?" I nodded my head, "it was good, just what I needed and I met one of your admirers" he cocked his head to the side and gave me a 'what the fuck' look, I giggled, "my nurse who is showing me around had hearts in her eyes when I told her we were dating." I explained to him and when he understood what I meant he smirked at me and said, "oh yeah? Is she hot?" I smacked him playfully on the arm and threatened him, "Jackson Teller, you better not look at other women!" He then kissed me still grinning, "I only have eyes for you darlin'"

Life went pretty much like that for a couple weeks. I put in long hours at the hospital and preformed my first surgery which gave me such a euphoric high and then came home to Jax who listened to me go on and on excitedly about my day with a smile on his face, I actually really hated when I had to come home to an empty house. One night Jax had come in late sporting a black eye and cussing, I asked him what the fuck had happened that night as he got a frozen bag of peas out to put it on his face when he angrily explained, "we fuckin' got one of those Mayan bastards.. He had information about who the shooter was that night." My eyes lit up with hearing this news, "did he tell you?" Jax nodded yes but not really wanting to go further because he knew why I was so interested but I forced it out of him. "Come on Jax, tell me!" I pushed and he angrily heaved, "his name is Antonio, just a guy who does the dirty shit for them. Juice and Tig are already trying to locate him, okay babe? Are you satisfied now?" I sat back in my chair feeling a huge weight lifting off my chest because we were one step closer to get that bastard and my heart itched to get the chance to be in the same room as him.

When I woke up the next day for work, I felt really sick. I rushed to the toilet and empty what very little contents I had in my stomach. I grabbed a towel off the edge of the sink and wiped my mouth and continued to get ready for work just assuming I had contacted a stomach bug from one of the patients but I wasn't about to miss work after only just starting. I bought a pack of pepto chewables from the little gas station on my way to work hoping it would help with the persistent nausea and praying I wouldn't vomit on a patient today. The whole day I worked sluggishly and even got asked by a few nurses if I felt well today, I reassured them I was fine and pushed through until lunch time when Mr. Branson stopped me and told me to take the rest of the day off. I pleaded with him to let me stay but he insisted it would be better if I just took the time to rest. I reluntcutely took his advise and made my way back home even though I really really didn't want to.

I made me some tea to settle my stomach and curled up on the couch. As I was watching a movie I heard a knock on the door, I unraveled the blanket from around me and went to answer the door but stopped when I saw Gemma standing on the front porch through the screen door. I was still pretty pissed off at her and wasn't sure if I was ready to face her, "hey baby, can we talk?" I looked at her a second longer and finally opened the door to let her in. I asked if she wanted anything to drink before we sat down on the couch together, "I know your really pissed but I needed to make peace between us.. It was never my intention to hurt you Harley." She started off and then went on, "it was wrong of me to lie to you especially about your daddy but I guess it's the mother in me to protect you from news like that but I understand it wasn't my place." I took a sip of my tea, thinking of what I should say, "you're right it wasn't your place to decide.." I came off harshly but finished softer, "however, somehow I appreciate you trying to protect me, I don't wanna fight with Gemma." She smiled at me and placed her hand over mine, "me either baby, me either. Jax doesn't like seeing his two ladies not getting along." This time I smiled at her and we continued chatting on a lighter note, I told Gemma about me starting work and somehow the conversation led to finding the Mayan who killed my father. "Don't worry honey, Clay and the boys are working on hunting his ass down and I'll make sure you get your chance.. You gotta be tough living in this life," she said and I agreed with her. Shortly after Gemma checked her phone and cussed under her breath, "shit, I'm late.. I gotta meet Clay somewhere but we should have lunch sometime" she said as she gathered her purse. "Yeah that would be great as soon as I get over this stomach bug I caught" and before she walked out the door she turned back and said, "you might wanna pick up a pregnancy test soon" and winked at me before leaving. What Gemma said sent a bombshell off in my head, was I pregnant? Why had I not thought of this? When was my last period? If I was would Jax be happy? My mind raced with thoughts and I decided not to mention anything to Jax before I took a test.


	9. Chapter 9

It was a Saturday morning so I wasn't scheduled to go into work that day so after I kissed Jax bye, since he had a club meeting with the boys, I got into my car and headed to the pharmacy. I'd be lying if I said my nerves weren't through the roof, I've never been in this situation before so I really didn't know how to feel. Would I even be a good mother? I never got to experience what motherly love was since fate ripped that away from me. The closest thing I had ever felt to having a mother was Gemma growing up and let's be real, Gemma isn't your typical mom but I could confidently say she loved with a fierceness I've never seen before... well although than Jax. When I got inside the pharmacy I quickly scanned the names on the aisle... Cough medicine, vitamins, first aid, and then finally pregnancy tests. I made my way through the aisle and stopped in front of so many boxes of different tests staring back at me. I stupidly looked at all the options and wondered to myself why there was so many damn tests, didn't they all do the same thing? After reading most of them I decided to go with the First Response that let you know 6 days after your missed period so I could be on the safe side and find out even if I was in the early stages of pregnancy. I made my way to the register, looking over both my shoulders making sure I didn't run into anyone Jax and I both knew, it was the last thing I wanted was Jax to hear from someone else. I paid for the test and stuck it in my purse as the register lady smiled at me and said, "congratulations! Have a good day ma'am." I gave her a weak smile out of politeness because truthfully I didn't know if I wanted a congratulations yet.

Back at home in the bathroom, I sat on the toilet with my pants down re-reading the box for the sixth time, making sure I didn't get it wrong but how do you mess up pissing on a stick? When I felt ready I placed it directly under me and peed, I placed the cap back over the tip and laid it on the counter to agonizingly wait those 5 minutes. I leaned against the bathroom wall trying to calm my nerves before I puked again, I really didn't know what I was gonna do if it was positive. While I waited my mind drifted in and out of fantasies of a small child with Jax's hair and face but my eyes, running around, screaming playfully. I even began to day dream of Jax holding a small baby in his arms with a huge smile on his face that I couldn't help have a small piece of me actually want it to say pregnant. I looked down at my phone to check the time, it had been 7 minutes which was plenty of time to find out the result. I cautiously stepped towards the counter and peaked over to look at the little result window on the stick, it only read one line. I doubled checked the back of the box to make sure I remembered the results right and it was definitely negative. I actually felt a little sad, I excepted to have this feeling of huge relief wash over me but I really just felt disappointment. I gathered the test and box and went downstairs to shove it at the very bottom of the trash so Jax would never see it and then went about my day, trying to forget about this.

I slept majority of the day attempting to be as productive as I could, washing clothes, sweeping, and straightening up but my stomach virus was really taking a toll on me and I had no energy. I had just woke up and stretched my sore body when Jax strolled through the door with a bag of food in his hand, "you hungry babe? It's some BBQ from Opie," I turned my nose up at him at the mere smell of it, any other time I'd be all over BBQ but right now it made my stomach feel like a roller coaster. "Ughh no! Get that away from me or I might vomit all over the place!" I exclaimed as Jax gave me a disgusted look, "that's gross but at least that means more for me." I laughed at him and walked over to get a kiss before he scurried away from me to the other side of the kitchen and put his hands out, "I don't think so beautiful.. Who is gonna take care us when we are both hanging over a toilet?" He teased me . "Fine, I'll remember that when I'm back to full health and you want my kisses," I pouted and retreated back to the couch to get away from the nauseating smell of food.

I spent the whole weekend living in the bathroom or asleep on the couch before returning to work that Monday. I actually woke up feeling refreshed and not a hint of sickness which I was grateful for since I had a surgery scheduled that day. It started off pretty slow doing basic doctor work before I had to scrub in to preform a tonsillectomy on a young girl, it was a super easy operation and I was fully confident in my skills. I dressed in my surgical clothes and went to the sink to properly scrub my hands and arms while the anesthesiologist doctor did his job. When my hands were clean and my gloves on I applied my mask and went to the table to begin, instead of using a regular scalpel I was using a harmonic scalpel which used ultrasonic energy to vibrate the blade. Everything was going good and I was so close to finishing before I was hit hard with an overwhelming feel to vomit, my mouth began to salivate and I started to get flushed with the strong nausea. I quickly motioned to my assisting doctor to take over, he gave me a puzzled look but grabbed the instruments and took control when I ran out of the operating room to the restrooms. I tore my mask off my face in enough time to puke violently in the toilet. I sat over it until I felt it was over and my body was done expelling the little lunch I had eaten earlier. Before leaving the bathroom I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with water trying to get the disgusting lingering taste out. When I walked back into the hospital hallways Tiffany came running forwards me, "hey! Everyone was wondering what happen to you in there, is everything okay?" She asked me worriedly, "yeah I'm sorry, I just can't get rid of this stomach virus I got.. I feel bad for rushing out like I did." Tiffany raised her eyebrow at me, "are you pregnant?" I hated the question simply because it reminded me of the negative test from a few days ago, "no, I took a home test not that long ago and it came back negative" I said. She grabbed my hand and started to led me down the hallway as I looked at her confused, "seriously? Even I know those things aren't 100% accurate.. The perks of working as a doctor is you get shit done for free, I'm taking you to the ultrasound tech." I almost stopped her because I felt like it would be a waste to get an ultrasound done and I still had work to get back to but part of me did question how accurate the test had been so I let her continue to drag me along.

I laid on a table with my pants off and a blanket over my lap, feeling very awkward when the ultrasound technician lady came in putting gloves on. "Good evening Dr. Clemont, I'm Lisa and I'll be doing the ultrasound today, I shouldn't really need to explain how this goes since I'm sure you know.. Can you tell me when your last period was?" She smiled at me trying to put me at ease, "honestly, I can't remember, I don't really keep up with those sorts of things," I told her truthfully. "That's okay.. Alright well let's get started," she said squeezing the gel on the ultrasound probe and asked me to open my legs. I squinted my face in discomfort feeling the hard instrument enter me, I looked at the screen to distract my mind from the unwanted thing inside. The woman concentrated hard on the monitor while moving the probe around until her face lit up and pointed to a small round object residing in my uterus, "there it is! Congratulations Dr. Clemont you'll be expecting a little baby soon!" I stared dumbfoundedly at the screen, not really believing there was actually a baby inside of me. "You wanna hear the heart beat hun?" She asked excitedly, all I could do was slowly nod my head yes. She tapped a button on the keyboard and the room echoed with what sounded like waves from the ocean and very clearly a beating of a heart. It beat so strongly. After the initial shock had passed I started to cry with joy, I was expecting a baby with Jax! When I cleaned myself up and buttoned back up my pants, Lisa handed me a small picture of the ultrasound and congratulated me one more time before leaving. I took a sit back on the table for a few more minutes staring at the picture and wondering how I was going to tell Jax before I returned back to work. The rest of the day I had a brimming smile plastered on my face and probably acted like one of those overly annoying happy people, but I didn't care!

When I finally left work at 11PM I raced home hoping Jax was there so I could tell him the exciting news. I could have called him and broke it to him but I wanted to see his face and reaction in person. However when I pulled up and parked, I knew Jax wasn't home because his bike was no where in sight and the lights were off inside. I sighed in disappointment because I literally felt like I was going to explode keeping this to myself, I was dying to let Jax know he was going to be a daddy. For hours, I busied myself around the house doing the smallest things like reorganizing the cabinets or alphabetizing the DVDs, I feared I was going insane waiting on Jax to get home! At last, I heard the roaring sound of Jax driving up and my hands began to shake nervously. Up until this point I had only imagined Jax being overcome with excitement that I really didn't think what if he didn't want this baby and wasn't ready to be a father? I pushed those thoughts from my head as Jax walked in, he gave me a confused look and asked, "you didn't wait up for me did you babe?" I nonchalantly shrugged my shoulders at him, "Mmm kinda but it's because I need to talk to you.." Jax glared at me while he took his boots off, "Harley so help me if it's to ask about that guy I'm gonna have to find you professional help." Now it was my turn to glare at him, yes I had bugged him a lot about it but I didn't think I was too persistent about it, I shook my head at Jax and made my way to my purse, "it's not about that asshole.. I got really exciting news today." Jax studied me from where he was leaning against the door frame of the kitchen as I handed him the folded up picture. I carefully watched his face as he unfolded it and understood what he was looking at, I began to see his face slowly light up in a grin before looking up at me. "You're fuckin' kidding me right? I'm gonna be a father? This isn't some fucked up joke?" I smiled back at him and said, "no baby, a little Teller will be here in 8 months, I'm 4 weeks!" He ran his hand through his hair still feeling shocked with the news just like I had felt before he picked me up and spun me around, "I can't believe this Harley, I'm the happiest fuckin' man on the earth right now!" I kissed him as he carefully put me back on the ground, "looks like I'm not contagious after all" I jokingly said to him as he looked at me with the most love I've ever seen in his eyes, "I promise you I'm going to take care of you and our baby, I may not be a prefect man Harley but I'm going to give you everything I've got in me... Marry me?" His question almost knocked me off my feet and all I could do was stare at him speechless. I guess taking my silence as a bad sign he kept going on, "I know I don't have a ring for you right now but I'm dead serious, I want you to be my wife.. Hell, I've always wanted you to be my old lady even when we were kids I knew I wanted to marry you and spend the rest of my life making you happy, marry me Harley," he said again. When I could find my voice I gave him the answer I always knew I would, "of course I'll marry you Jax," and with that Jax picked me up in his arms with the biggest smile and carried me upstairs.

We laid tangled up in a sweaty, panting heap after the most intense sex. Jax laughed to himself while he played with my damp hair, "I never thought I could ever feel this happy again.. You are my purpose for life, Harley." I smiled to myself enjoying hearing Jax proclaim his love to me, "so should we set a date or something?" I asked thinking of his proposal, "don't ask me, I'd make it tomorrow if you let me," he said. I shook my head furiously at him, "oh no, I'm not one of those girls you can just take in a backyard and marry.. I want one of those really expensive stupid wedding dresses and a church with flowers decorated everywhere!" Jax just rolled his eyes at me before saying, "you always did have to be a princess about things." We laid cuddled up in bed until the early hours talking about baby names and what the future had in store.

Jax said I was the purpose of life for him but he was the very air I needed to survive. Over the past two months I had been back I was realizing what a dark world I had lived without him in my life. That night before I went to sleep I thanked God for the man he had blessed me with.


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry it's a little short and if there are any typos!**

The next day Jax insisted on going to the clubhouse together to break the news to his family and the boys after I got off work. So when I got off instead of going home I met Jax outside the clubhouse, he was sitting on a table just out front, smoking a cigarette and talking with Opie and Chibs. When he saw me pull up he broke out in a smile and said something to the two men before coming to greet me. As soon as he reached me he wrapped his arms around my waist and excitedly kissed me, "hey baby, you ready? My moms inside and everything." He looked like such a giddy boy that it made my heart swell up with happiness, I was so lucky to have Jax be mine. "Yeah baby, I'm ready," I gave him another kiss before he draped his arm around my shoulder and drew me in close so we could go inside to let everyone in on the good news.

Gemma was sitting at the bar smoking with Clay standing near her, talking to her about something but when we walked in everyone's attention was on us. Jax cleared his throat and loudly spoke to everyone inside, "Harley and I have something we need tell everyone.." He paused to give me a smile before continuing, "looks like there will be another little hell raiser coming soon." The whole room broke out in excited cheers and everyone began to come up to us and give us their congratulations. Gemma came up to Jax first and kissed her son on the cheek before excitedly exclaiming, "I'm gonna be a grandma baby! I'm gonna start buying baby things as soon as I can.. I'll get those cute little onesies!" Jax huffed at his mom and rolled his eyes, "come on mom, we don't even know the sex of the baby yet!" In return Gemma lightly hit Jax, "I'll buy neutral baby things until we find out" she smiled at him before making her way to me while Clay came up to Jax. "It seems I was right about you having a glow about you that day" I scoffed at her, "you mean a glow of sickness?" She laughed and shook her head, "no, I guess only a mother can see things like that.. Call it a mother bears intuition." As Gemma and I kept chatting I could see Clay lean into Jax and whisper something in his ear so only he could hear. I tried to not notice them when Jax turned towards me and interrupted what his mother was saying to let me know he would be right back, "Clay needs to talk to me about some shit.. I'll be right back, come get me if you need anything." He kissed me quickly and then followed Clay off to the back, my concentration was broke from watching Jax walk away when I heard Gemma huff, "seems like buisness around here can never wait a minute." I knew all too well what Gemma met and I was always going to have to share Jax.

After awhile Gemma excused herself to go to attend to other things and I took the opportunity to sit on the couch next to Donna who watched Opie from a little distance play pool with some other men. "So where are the kids tonight?" I asked her, "sitter, Opie said Jax called him earlier today and asked if we could be here tonight and it's not everyday we get the chance to use the babysitter card, so we were grateful." I laughed thinking of how my own life would be changing shortly and if I'd be able to get alone time with Jax anymore when Donna brought me out of my thoughts when she asked, "do you want a boy or girl?" I didn't answer her right away because I really didn't know what I wanted, I just knew I wanted a healthy baby and Jax's baby so I pondered the question a minute before replying, "I suppose I'd want a boy.. What else would be better than having two Jax's in my lives?" We both laughed and after she took a sip of her beer she said, "I really hate the two of you," I was caught off guard by her statement because I really didn't know the reasoning behind it and sensing my confusement she kept going, "I just envy the love y'all have.. You left for so long then you come back and it's all fireworks and no love lost. I see the way Jax looks at you and nothing else matters in the entire world but you. Literally. When you weren't around all the light left him and he didn't care if he lived or died.. I don't know, I just wish I had y'all's crazy intense love." It surprised me hearing what she was saying but I guess when your so wrapped up in your own love story you don't see what it looks to other people. "Yeah but you and Opie are crazy about each other," Donna looked loving at Opie from across room and said, "we love each other, for sure.. It's just not what you and Jax have."

I waited about 30 minutes until Jax reappeared and found me. "You ready to go?," he said and I shook my head, I wish I could have stayed longer but after working I was pretty tired. Jax and I made our way around and said goodbye before heading to the parking lot. I walked to the direction of my car when Jax tugged on my hand to stop me, "I actually wanted to take you somewhere so lets take my bike." I gave him a funny look but I didn't protest because even though I was tired my curiosity got the better of me. I hopped on the back and clung tightly to Jax, enjoying the closeness the bike ride gave us. "Hold on tighter babe, don't want nothin' happening to you and that baby," he said looking over his shoulder grinning and I tightened my grip around him, smiling. I didn't know where he was taking me but hell I didn't care, feeling the wind blast across my face and the vibration from the motorcycle going through my body felt amazing. I could only hope when Jax and I was old and wrinkly we would still be blazing down the empty back roads of Charming. When Jax finally pulled over it was it was in the middle of no where and just fields on both sides of us, "what are we doing here Jax?" He put his helmet on his handlebars and grinned at me, "you'll see babe.. Trust me." I did trust him, with everything I had. He intertwined his fingers through mine and we made our way through the slightly tall grass, it was quite a walk until we came across a good sized pond with a pier leading out on it. It was absolutely beautiful with the moon and stars reflecting across the water and so peaceful with the chirping of crickets. "Oh my god Jax! This place is beautiful!" I exclaimed as we walked to the end of the wooden pier, "I know, that's why I wanted to take you here.. I spent a lot of time out here while you were gone trying to clear my fucked up head." We sat down at the very end with our feet dangling off and just sat in silence for a while, admiring the sheer beauty of nature. "How did you find this place?" I asked him, "it's property that belongs to some customers of SAMCRO.. The guy bragged about this place to me so many times and told me I should come out here one day and finally I did. After that, I found myself out here pretty often." I looked at Jax as he gazed up at the stars feeling pretty guilty of the pain I put him through, I couldn't imagine being the one left in Charming all by myself. "I know I've said I'm sorry a lot but I can't stress to you how much I feel shitty about myself for leaving you, I should have pushed harder for you to come with me or came back or even found some other way.. I could-" Jax cut me off before I could finish, "shut up already Harley.. I don't care anymore, I forgive you. Fuck, maybe you leaving was what needed to be done to lead to this very moment.. I'd go through all those years without you again if it meant ending up where we are now so don't apologize to me anymore." So I didn't, I laid my head down on Jax's shoulder and watched the lightening bugs swarm over the pond, this place was truly magical. "I love you Jackson Teller, my soul will always belong to you" I felt him smile, "and my soul will always be yours.. I'd give you the world if I could Harley." I didn't need the world though because I already had him and that was just as good.

The next few days went pretty routine, I worked, came home to Jax, then did it all over again. I was living pretty fucking blissfully in my fairy tale until one day it came crashing down in one altercation at work. I was standing at the nurses station reviewing a chart for an upcoming operation when I heard a nurse from down the hall saying, "ma'am can I help you with something? Ma'am! You can't go down there unless you check in, ma'am!" The commotion made me look up from my work to see Wendy, looking terrible and pissed off, she was headed directly for me. I asked the nurse at the station to call security because I knew Wendy was here for one thing and that was trouble. "You just had to fucking come back here didn't you Harley!" Wendy greeted me when she finally reached me, she looked as though she had been crying because her make up was all smeared and running, "Wendy please leave, you have no business being here." I tried to keep my cool and remember I was at work, "Jax was mine! He was my husband! And you, you fucking cunt had to return on your white fuckin' horse and steal him back! I loved him and we could have worked on our marriage if you didn't come back!" Wendy's eyes were blazed with rage and maybe even fueled by whatever drug she had taken so I was thankful when I saw the security officers coming quickly down the hall. "I hope your fuckin' baby dies you stupid bitch!" She hurled one more insult at me before the officers reached her and detained her. "You need help Wendy.. Leave me and Jax alone," I firmly said to her and was about to walk away when she said one more thing to me while the officers were handcuffing her that left me shaken, "well you should know I'm pregnant too.. Jax fucked me a month before you came back!" I stood frozen in place, watching in horror as they escorted Wendy out of the hospital not fully wrapping my mind around what she had said until it hit me. I ran to the bathroom and puked from the anxiety, shock, and whatever else emotion that ran through me. When I was done I sank onto the floor and cried, I wanted so badly to dismiss what she said as bullshit but what if she really was carrying Jax's baby? Could I get over that? Could I accept a child that was his from a woman I hated?

As I sat on the hard tile floor a complete mess I heard on the overcom that I was being paged, "Dr. Clemont please come to the head of Directors office immediately" I cussed silently to myself but willed me to get up and clean up before heading down there. I looked at myself in the sink and hated seeing the face staring back at me, just as Wendy had looked my eyeliner and mascara ran down my face so I took a paper towel and tried my best to fix it. When I was satisfied I looked presentable I head to see Mr. Branson. I knocked softly on his door before entering, he looked up at me from his computer and waved me to come sit. I sat in the chair and waited for him to speak first, "Dr. Clemont I was just informed of the incident that just happened.. I wanted to make sure you were okay," he looked at me concerned. "Thank you, I'm fine and I can't apologize enough that that happened in front of the patients and staff." He shook his head and held out his hands, "I understand it was nothing you did, I already have made sure there will be no more incidents like this one.. Go home Dr. Clemont, you're pregnant and I can tell this put a lot on you, I don't need you working today." Normally I'd hate to be sent home but I don't think my mind could focus on work if it tried so I thanked him for being understanding and I left.


	11. Chapter 11

I gunned the gas pedal to my mustang and roared out of the hospital parking lot, not entirely sure where I was going since I didn't want to return home so I just drove furiously down the road not caring if I got pulled over because quite frankly fuck the world right now! I was in a situation I had no idea how to handle, I had a child growing inside me by a man I loved more than life itself and now he might have another child growing inside a woman I hated with everything in me. How could I ever get over something like this? It wasn't like Jax cheated on me but I couldn't see it in myself to be the bigger person and love a child of Jax's from another woman other than myself and that ate away at my soul with guilt for thinking that way. I guess the thought of Jax loving something that was part Wendy was just too much to bear. While I was deep in thought I hadn't realized my subconscious had lead me to the driveway of Gemma's house, but deep down my subconscious had known she would be the only one who would know what to do about all this.

By the time I parked, Gemma was standing in the front door looking out at me with a concerned look plastered on her face. She called out to me as I slammed my door, "honey is everything alright?," I walked up the steps and stood in front of her and all I could do was break down in tears. Gemma gathered me in a hug and stroked my hair, it felt so good to be embraced by someone who was almost like a mother to me. It was the closet thing to comfort I'd feel right now. Gemma brought me inside and sat me on the couch while she went in the kitchen to get me a drink, I tried my best to tame my emotions before she came back so I could explain to her what had happened. When she returned she handed me a hot cup of herbal tea and she sat down next to me, "baby, tell me what's wrong," so I did. "Wendy came to the hospital starting shit with me but before the security took her out she told me she was pregnant with Jax's baby and I just don't know what to do Gemma.." Several more tears escaped my eyes when I finished telling her the last part. Gemma shook her head and said, "I told Jax not to marry that fuckin' junkie bitch.. What was he thinking?" She put her hand on top of mine to soothe me, "Harley, please don't stress over this too much, you're pregnant and don't need all that.. I will handle this, I promise." After that she got up and went into the other room where I heard her get on the phone with someone, I couldn't hear what she was saying so I laid my head down on the decorative throw pillow and gave into my exhaustion.

When I came to, Jax was sitting on the chair directly across from me and watching me intently. I don't think I was still ready to see Jax or even talk to him about everything so I just sat up and didn't say a word. "Why didn't you call me, Harley?" I shrugged my shoulders and kept avoiding eye contact with him. He got up from where he was sitting and came over to where I was which I unintentionally scooted away from him, Jax noticed. He let out a heavy sigh and ran his hands through his hair, "I wish you would have called me Harley.. Given me a chance to explain things.." I finally looked up at him angrily, "explain how you have another woman pregnant? No wonder you were so concerned about her at the fair that day" my words sounded like venom but I didn't care. Jax dropped down on his knees in front of me and went to grab my hand but I pulled it away, the touch of Jax repulsed me and that was such a foreign feeling to me since I had always craved Jax's touch. I could see the hurt written all over his face, "please don't pull away from me baby, I need you to listen to me.. I never knew she was pregnant, I did sleep with her before you came to town but I didn't fuckin' know you were coming back or I would have never touched her.. I wore a condom too Harley so unless it broke I don't know how she is pregnant.." He searched my eyes for forgiveness but just found emptiness so he dropped his head on to my lap feeling defeated, "I never wanted to hurt you." I stayed frozen while my mind and heart battled within me, my mind wanted to tell him fuck you but my heart ached to tell him it would be okay and we would figure it out together. Ultimately, my heart won. I gingerly laid my hand on top of his head, "I love you Jackson Teller and I can't promise you even in time I will ever be okay with you having another child but all I can do is try." He picked his head up and looked at me with a mix of emotions in his eyes, "you deserve better than this.. Not me and my fucked up mistakes, I promised you I'd make you the happiest woman and all I've done is hurt you." I actually felt bad seeing Jax this torn up, no matter how mad and hurt I was, I hated seeing this man upset. I placed both my hands on his scruffy cheeks and pulled him up to me where I slowly kissed him. When we pulled apart I looked deeply into his blue eyes and said, "maybe I'm stupid woman but no matter how much you hurt me I will always love you Jax.. You're my kryptonite and right now I just need you to hold me." He didn't say anything else to me, he just climbed on the couch with me and wrapped his strong arms around me with his hand resting on my stomach. We never said a word to each other but we didn't need to because all we needed was the physically closeness of each other. As Jax's warmth consoled my heart, I silently prayed to God that Wendy wasn't carrying Jax's baby.

The next morning I awoke to the smell of pancakes and bacon cooking in the kitchen and Jax missing from beside me. When I stumbled sleepily in the kitchen, Gemma was flipping a pancake over in the frying pan and Jax was leaning against the counter eating a piece of bacon, "good morning beautiful, you hungry?" And before I could answer Gemma turned to look at me and stated, "you're eating even if your not because my little granddaughter or grandson needs food to grow!" I smiled over Gemma's constant worry over me and the baby, it felt good to know I was loved and taken care of. Jax made me a plate while I sat at the table still trying to wake up, I probably looked like shit with my eyes all puffy and make up smeared from crying yesterday I was dreading seeing myself in a mirror. When Jax placed my plate down in front of me I stared in amusement at me, he had given me a huge stack of blueberry pancakes and at least five strips of bacon, "do you really think I can eat all this?!" I exclaimed. He smirked at me and rebutted, "hey you're eating for two now."

After breakfast, I helped Gemma clean up the kitchen while Jax went out to make a phone call. "Thank you for being there for me yesterday Gemma, I didn't know who else to come too," she smiled sweetly at me and said, "I'm glad you came to me sweetheart, I'll always be there for my family.. I just wish I could fix this little problem for you." I mentally shuddered at the thought of what Gemma's idea of fixing the problem was, I don't think however mad I was I could ever do what Gemma was capable of. When we were drying off the last of the dishes Jax came back in the door, "Clay needs me to come to the clubhouse.. I'll call and tell you if she is pregnant or not." He came towards me to give me a kiss but I stopped him by holding my hands out, "I don't think so, I'm not gonna anxiously await by the phone to hear this news.. I'm coming with Jax and I don't care what you say," before he could protest I was out the door and making my way to his bike, he was crazy if he thought he was leaving me behind. Jax came out the front door and stood staring at me before saying, "Harley, I really think it's better if you stay here with mom.. You don't need to get in a confrontation with Wendy." I crossed my arms and stood firm letting him know I was not taking no for an answer, "either I go with you or I can drive myself but I'm going and I mean it!" He shook his head realizing he wasn't going to win with me so he got on the bike and muttered under his breath, "fuckin' women" and then we raced towards the clubhouse.

The whole ride there I would be lying if my stomach wasn't riddled with nerves, it took everything in me not to throw up the pancakes I ate earlier. All I could do at this point was hope God heard my prayers last night and hadn't forgotten about me. When we pulled up the front doors opened up and Tig was shoving Wendy out the door while she yelled for him to "get his fuckin' hands off her." Jax and I got off the bike and made our way towards the situation happening before us. When Wendy noticed Jax she ran up to him, crying and pleading with him to help her, I restrained my pregnant self from ripping her off of Jax and it was not easy. At all. Before I lost my shit, Clay came out the door calmly and said, "she ain't fucking pregnant.. Just a whore after your dick." While everyone else laughed, I let out the biggest sigh of relief and it felt like a million pounds was instantly lifted off of my chest, I literally had no words to express my happiness after hearing Clays words. I looked at Jax to see his reaction and he was pissed, he shoved Wendy off of him, knocking her to ground which he then towered over her menacingly pointing his finger at her, "if you ever come around me or my woman again I will personally put a bullet in between your eyes Wendy and that's a fucking promise... Tig get her the hell out of here, I don't want to look at this bitch anymore." I wish I could say I felt sorry for her as I watched her helplessly cry on the ground but I couldn't.


	12. Chapter 12

I didn't pry my eyes off of Tig roughly picking Wendy up off the ground until Jax put his hand around my waist and directed me inside. I honestly felt embarrassed for her more than anything. When we went inside Clay was at the bar with a beer in one hand while motioning for Jax to come over with the other. Jax nodded his head in acknowledgment and looked towards me, "I'll be right back, let me see what he wants babe." Before leaving he cupped my face in his hands and kissed me on the forehead, he knew how to make me feel loved. Once I was alone I scanned over the almost empty room other than a couple of guys standing around by the pool table talking, mostly everyone was still outside talking about the scene that had just happened. I decided I sit on the couch and play on my phone while I waited for Jax to get done with business, I was more than ready to end this day by curling up with Jax in bed. As I sat for a few minutes lost in my game of solitaire my attention couldn't help but get spiked up by the conversation the guys were having a few feet away from me, I overheard one guy ask another, "so you ready to do this tonight? Those fucking Mayan bitches are gonna finally get it!" It was the word Mayan that really caught my ear, I pretended to stay lost in my phone but my attention was solely focused on their conversation. I kept listening as the other guy replied, "yeah I'm fucking ready for this, I'm itching to blow one of those bastards head off.. Especially after what they did to Jack," then the first guy replied, "y'all fucking knuckleheads better remember they want that one guy alive, Clay will shoot you himself if we don't bring that guy back alive," to which the third guy piped in, "we ain't stupid, we know the job.. Even though we should just put a bullet in him like he did to Jack.." The guys stopped what they were saying when Clay and Jax reappeared from the back room and moved onto some random babbling about their bikes so I stopped listening and stood while waiting for Jax to come over. I wondered if Jax knew about this and kept it from me? He knew how badly I wanted to know when they were gonna get him, I hoped for his sake he didn't keep this from me. When Jax finally approached me he didn't look pleased but he intertwined his fingers in mine and said, "let's go pick your car up from my moms and go home."

I waited until we were finally home before I mentioned what I had overhead earlier, I couldn't really say anything on the bike ride and I didn't wanna start a fight at Gemma's so I bit my tongue and waited until now. I threw my keys on the kitchen table and then leaned against the archway leading into the living room where I watched Jax sit on the couch taking his boots off. "Jax, when were you gonna tell me about tonight?" He never looked up from his boots and only absentmindedly said, "what are you talking about?" I didn't know if he really didn't know what I was talking about or just playing coy so I went on, "your gonna go get the guy that killed my dad tonight, aren't you?" It wasn't until then he looked up from what he was doing and looked at me a little shocked, "how do you know about that Harley? Christ, I just fucking found out about it before we left the clubhouse!" I didn't want to tell him how I heard or those guys would be in some serious shit so I evaded his question, "it doesn't matter how I know but did you have any plans on informing me about it?" Jax turned his head away from and ran his hand through his hair and it was at that moment I knew Jax had absolutely no intention on involving me, "I'm going to be the one that kills that fucking cockroach Jax!" He still kept his head turned away from me and quietly said, "no you're not Harley." I could feel my patience rapidly dissolving and my frustration quickly building, how could he sit here and deny me from killing a man that killed my father? He had no idea how I felt. "How dare you! You don't get to make that decision! I will be ther-" Jax jumped up from where he was sitting with his eyes blazing, "I do get to make that decision Harley, you have my child inside of you and you are the love of my life, can't you see I'm trying to do everything I can to keep you safe! Why do you have to make it so fucking difficult to do? If something goes wrong tonight you'd be the first to be hurt and I can't handle that!" It was me this time that had to look away from him, I understood where he was coming from but I don't think he understood where I was coming from. "I'm gonna call Juice to come to the house tonight while I'm gone so you're not alone tonight," he said after a few minutes but all I heard was he would be calling Juice to babysit me and keep me under watch while he was gone which pissed me off. I looked up at him with the dirtiest look and said, "fuck you" before running upstairs, I couldn't even look at Jax I was so mad. He didn't even attempt to follow me because he knew nothing he would say would simmer my fire. I threw myself on the bed and buried my face in my pillow trying to hold back tears, Jax was ripping the moment I had been thinking about what felt like a lifetime for, I couldn't keep track of how many times I daydreamed about putting the end of a gun barrel to this mans temple and pulling the trigger. Now I'd never know what it felt like to have the satisfaction of taking the man's life that took my fathers.

Several hours later and on the verge of falling asleep, I heard a knock on the front door downstairs and knew my babysitter was here. I tiptoed to the door and as quietly as I could cracked the bedroom door open to try to listen to what the two men downstairs were saying. I heard Jax welcome him in and then say, "Harley is upstairs, she'll probably stay up there all night so it should be a pretty easy night.. But if something does happen tonight and she gets harmed, I'll fucking kill Juice.." I could hardly make out Juice nervously laugh from Jax's threat but then he replied, "don't worry man, I can hold the home front down for ya." After that I heard Jax's heavy boots on the bottom stairs so I shut the door back and laid back on the bed before he opened the door. He came over and sat on the edge of the bed but I never turned to look at him, I just listened to what he said, "I know you don't want to talk to me but that's okay because even if you can't see it I'm doing what's best for you.. Clay and the boys are waiting on me so I gotta go.. I love you Harley and one day you'll forgive me for doing this." I felt him get up off the bed and walk towards the door but I could sense him linger before leaving and shutting the door, probably seeing if I had anything to say but I didn't. The minute he shut the door, I bolted out of the bed and into the closet to change. Jax was crazy if he thought I was actually going to stay confined in this house. I threw on jeans, a black v neck shirt, and black combat boots, I was just about to turn the light off when I turned back around and grabbed my leather jacket, it felt like the right thing to wear for the occasion. After I was dressed I went out in the hall and sat against the wall by the stairs, I knew Juice would be getting frequent updates about what was going on and also giving updates on me so after I knew they had the guy I'd leave without him even knowing.

It seemed like forever before I heard his phone go off downstairs but that was probably because I was so anxious and nervous. I listened as he answered it, "hey, everything going good?" I didn't know exactly who he was talking to or what they said but it didn't matter, all I needed to hear was what Juice was saying. "I'm glad y'all got that bastard.. Um, yeah she's fine, probably asleep but don't worry about here, I got it covered.." I didn't care to hear the rest so I got up and went back into my room where I opened my dresser drawer to fish out my spare car key. When I found it I flung open the bedroom window and started to climb out of it and on top of the roof, I remembered countless nights when Jax would climb up this way on the roof and I would sneak him in praying my father didn't hear. However, since Jax was always the one doing the climbing I didn't really have a lot of experience sneaking in and out of houses and I only hoped I wasn't making too much noise. When I finally dropped down to the ground, I peeked into the living room window to check on Juice, he was slumped in the couch and zoned out on the tv, which I was thankful for. I quietly made my way around the house and to my mustang where as stealthily as I could started it up and backed out of the driveway. I drove in the opposite way of the clubhouse to the warehouse on the outskirts of town where I knew they would be, growing up in the SAMCRO life I still knew a lot about how they dealt with these kinds of things.

It didn't take me long to get there since I went well over the speed limit and when I pulled up I saw a van parked out front and the boys bikes parked besides it. I was so nervous getting out because I didn't really plan this far ahead but my will for revenge and anger took over and fueled me to keep going. When I got up to the door and was about to open it, Chibs came busting through it and stopped me. He put his hands on my shoulders and pushed me back in an attempt to stop me from going further, "what the hell are you doing here Harley? You're not suppose to be here!" I shoved him off me and furiously yelled, "get off me Chibs! You can't stop me from doing this and neither can Jax!" He raised his hands in an effort to calm me down, "please think about this.. You've never killed anyone before Harley, you really think you can live with yourself?" I didn't hesitate to answer him, "do you think my dad would have thought twice about killing someone if I had been murdered? I don't think I can live with myself if I don't kill this man!" We both stood staring each other down for several minutes before Chibs cussed silently to himself and shook his head, "god damnit Harley, I can't believe I'm gonna do this and I'm probably gonna regret this but here.." He took his gun from his holster and held it out towards me, I stared at it in surprise since I wasn't expecting Chibs to help me but I tentatively took it out of his hands. He moved out of my way and let me enter the warehouse with no attempts to stop me. When I entered, I first noticed a Hispanic man bounded in rope and badly beaten and then I saw Jax standing a few feet from him flexing out his bloodied hand which I'm sure was from hitting the man. I was froze in my place with the gun in hand when the Hispanic man noticed me and half heartedly laughed while saying, "you got little puta to finish me off, I see," I saw Jax look at him in confusement before turning around and seeing me, I got see his face quickly contour into deep rage with seeing me there and I knew I only had seconds before Jax was on me. I sprinted forward to the man with the gun aimed and ready to fire while Jax rushed in my direction to stop me but when I felt I was close enough to not miss, I pulled the tigger. I could feel the blood splatter all over my face and the deafening ring of the gun going off was still in my ears. All I could do was stand looking at the dead man laying on the ground with a pool of blood puddling around him. Nothing else in the room existed expect for me, the gun heavy in my hands, and the deceased man I had just killed. I suppose I had expected to feel something from taking a human life, sadness, guilt, sickness, or sadness but I felt nothing, absolutely nothing but emptiness. He deserved to die. It wasn't until I felt someone taking the gun from my hand that I become aware of my surroundings again, it was Jax beside me trying to take the gun from me. I met his eyes and all I could read was complete blankness, I didn't even see anger in his eyes anymore. He wrapped his arms around my shoulder and began to lead me out, it wasn't until then I noticed the other men in the warehouse, staring at me in shock.


End file.
